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I know I have a lot on my plate, I know I've been incredibly hurt, I know I look after everyone but it's happened before & is again now, whereby I feel incredibly irritated, and paranoid that in one sense people are against me. It's ridiculous when my logical mind says so, but I start to wonder who can you trust? I give freely, but it's been taken for granted before. I start to view something as being wrong with me. I have a lot to care for and I'm working over hurdles but it's so tiring. It's a lonely disposition to be in. It's like living in two states of mind..the rational one, then there is the other one. I'm tired and unsure. I guess sleep deprivation isn't good long term. I feel I just want to escape for a while. To be peaceful. To be away. But that's not realistically possible. Maybe others feel this to?
@TAB. I don't think so. I think I've got a splitting headache & flu cold. I've a baby that wakes 4 times a night & two little ones. It's a far plight from needing to know if I'm smart. I got Lord Shiva cause I liked him. No set belief. . I know I'm far from stupid otherwise I wouldn't have seen all I have today.
In response to: Paranoia or reality
Unknown userMember
Re: Paranoia or reality
I will get back to you, I'm pressed on time. I'm sorry if I caused offence @TAB. a thesis sounds really great, what in? Maybe it wasn't your path though? Tone down language?!! Makes me smile..enlighten me? I go off on tangents. Without going into it, Lord Shiva helped me when I was threatened, alone with a small child on my own. Whatever works heh!
In response to: Paranoia or reality
Unknown userMember
Re: Paranoia or reality
No problem @TAB...my daily grind. We all have! Safe Travels today. 😊
In response to: Paranoia or reality
TrappedCasual Contributor
Re: Paranoia or reality
Leia
I have gone from agoraphobia to over-exposure and everywhere I go I feel people are talking about me and laughing at me. It used to only be in crowds but now it is all the time. Last Monday I had a huge day out, had to catch public transport in a busy period and was at the shops from 9.30am to 5.00pm. Started out alright but went to Garden city (never been there before) and I didn't know the exits. There was a glitch with the credit union I am with and it said my account was void when I went to the automatic teller. I paniced naturally and it took an hour and a half to find it. I was so stressed and I could hear people laughing at me and talking about me ( I wasn't imagining it). To cut a long story short I felt so awful that I haven't left the house until today. Here too the same thing happened. Did a 2 hour session at the local library and we were all sitting around the table and I felt extremely uncomfortable, then I discovered it was a seniors course and I felt so stupid. I am very lacking in techlology, the world seems to be passing me by. Then (accompanied) I went to have a coffee and had to walk through another local shopping centre and the same thing happenned. Am I being paranoid? I am overweight and this affects me greatly and I have no self esteem. I want so desperately to escape, to find some peace so I reach for anything that I think will calm my anxiety. My carer's were walking so slow and I just wanted to run. So I know where your coming from. From an early age I have searched for this and as yet have been unable to find it. Hopefully we can help one another. I do not know how to post a daily or weekly update so I am just looking for people who I can relate to and doing that for the moment. I too suffer from chronic insomnia, I am forgetting things, can't concentrate and live in a total state of unrest. I hope you can find some peace soon and I look forward to sharing with others this information also.
In response to: Paranoia or reality
Unknown userMember
Re: Paranoia or reality
@Trapped, oh I'm so sorry if I could offer you a friendly coffee I would. I had forgotten about Starting this thread but you understand how that one works with insomnia that comes & goes. Firstly yes it's challenging when overwhelming thoughts take over & 'freeze' me. In one aspect I think it has become a coping strategy to avoid danger getting 'in'. But on another measure some of those aspects of my life when this was required I am far removed from. I'm presently working upon why the 'mis-trusting' feelings still arise. My therapist wants to explore my early life. I'm a little exhausted today, I really hit a point of feeling so horrible I rest for maybe 20mins. So my focus may go off track. My appologies, if I do I think what you describe as wanting to run away is a perfect example of anxiety in action! I have some fantastic day's where I'm quite the opposite, & talk to people non stop, they'd never know my suffering otherwise. I love those days but when the other horrid, over sensitive, hyper vigilant ones arise it's too much! I feel sad your weight affects how u feel. It's sad society places such a focus on appearance. Some of the kindest people I've known are bigger built & like big teddy bear's! I can feel down, when I'm burnt out from caring for my family. I then have to really tune out & learn to like myself again. I'm glad you responded, you speak well. I'm sure you will find others here also that can relate to what you feel. It helps to find common ground for our own healing. 😊❤🌼
In response to: Re: Paranoia or reality
AppleblossomSenior Contributor
Re: Paranoia or reality
Hi @Trapped
It is horrible to feel so alone that we care what strangers think .. but I have felt that way a lot ... at all stages of my life.
One sad thing is that if any of those people are laughing or talking about you ... it wont do them any real favours ... it is wasted breath ... years later they may lose the trust of those friends or be confronted by their own lives and feel guilty...
In the meantime ... it does not make it easier for you ... but try and learn to flick the thought away ... any ridicule or shaming should NOT be taken in.
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