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Paranoia or reality

Unknown userMember25 July 2016, 7:21 pm AEST

Paranoia or reality

I know I have a lot on my plate, I know I've been incredibly hurt, I know I look after everyone but it's happened before & is again now, whereby I feel incredibly irritated, and paranoid that in one sense people are against me. It's ridiculous when my logical mind says so, but I start to wonder who can you trust? I give freely, but it's been taken for granted before. I start to view something as being wrong with me. I have a lot to care for and I'm working over hurdles but it's so tiring. It's a lonely disposition to be in. It's like living in two states of mind..the rational one, then there is the other one. I'm tired and unsure. I guess sleep deprivation isn't good long term. I feel I just want to escape for a while. To be peaceful. To be away. But that's not realistically possible. Maybe others feel this to?

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In response to: Paranoia or reality

Unknown userMember25 July 2016, 9:29 pm AEST

Re: Paranoia or reality

I get the need to switch off constantly @Former-Member. I have meaning to respond to your post re exhaustion but kept getting myself in a tangle 😁 One of the things I wanted to say was that I think I've read that people who have suffered DV often feel like like they are always 'on'. As in they are always in fight or flight mode, I'm not sure if this relates to trauma too. So this constantly being on alert is exhausting. I may be talking rubbish but I feel like since my stuff happened this is how I feel, like I can't find the off switch to relax and wind down. With you being on high alert it makes sense to me that you could feel paranoid. I hope this makes sense. Thinking of you😊💜

In response to: Paranoia or reality

Unknown userMember25 July 2016, 9:40 pm AEST

Re: Paranoia or reality

Thanks @Former-Member That does make sense actually. Complete sense. I can relate to this. Yes, it's the constant switching off, to forget somewhat. I think to make things bearable. So reality isn't so harsh. I think really there is a lot of misunderstanding with it too. I find the 'you'll find if you'..or 'it's a matter of moving on' comments most annoying. It takes a lot of years to segment all of D.V's fragments I think. Some days the world is too much! Agreed 😊

In response to: Re: Paranoia or reality

AppleblossomSenior Contributor26 July 2016, 1:21 am AEST

Re: Paranoia or reality

Yes the hypervigilance is difficult ... one way I deal with it is through performance and music ... it gets rid of a little and I calm down better.

It seems there are givers and takers ... even tho I keep trying to talk about reciprocity in my interactions and it being 2-way ... both giving and both taking ... in balance ...

it only works out a little for me .. mostly I give .. they take then laugh in my face or dissappear ... but I also find good people who do give ... where I feel there is a lot in balance ... so they are the ones I will smile at in choir or phone ... its a learning experience ... not being so open and trusting and relaising that there are a lot out there ... on the make.

So at the moment I feel good with a lot of people but dont really have close friends ... maybe that is the way it is for some of us???

In response to: Paranoia or reality

Unknown userMember26 July 2016, 1:45 am AEST

Re: Paranoia or reality

I can relate @Appleblossom, to not having anyone close. We never learned to trust at an early age, just too risky, and people don't seem to handle our honesty & depth of life experience. The only thing that's helping me with this is 'self compassion therapy' - learning to be at ease with that first relationship we have, the one they caused us to disassociate from, to cope with their abuse. Reconnecting with me feels odd but in learning to be my own best friend I'm not so reactive to others. Hope that makes sense.

So relate to being told "you're delusional" by family. My family are so ignorant in their understanding of what it is, finally figured out they're just using the term to shut me down when not interested in what I have to say. Ouch! I suspect your son is saying he wants to find his own way.

Teenagers are such a minefield for us single parents. If I was with you I'd give you a big hug. You are a beautiful soul
xox

In response to: Paranoia or reality

Unknown userMember26 July 2016, 7:33 am AEST

Re: Paranoia or reality

Yes I think I've come to learn this @Apple blossom. I don't have close friends. Even oldest close friends have become different relationships. People have an idea in their head of who they want you to be, when that's challenged, through hard times, it changed. I know I'm incredibly strong, I've learnt to separate myself. In the Times when I really thought my closet friends & family would listen, they left. I am ok with that now. I think at the moment I'm incredibly tired, both mentally & physically today! I like the idea of scattered friends here,there everywhere, with no particular too close!

In response to: Paranoia or reality

AppleblossomSenior Contributor27 July 2016, 6:58 pm AEST

Re: Paranoia or reality

I kind of learned ways of gaining social inclusion and mild acceptance without worrying about being the life of the party ... by women a generation older than me. A lot of their experience was through church groups but it seems to be similar in other social secular groups.

No one person can meet all our needs anyway ... we realise that as we age ... it also puts less pressure on particular relationships ... I still shoot myself in the foot and put my foot in my mouth ...so can be bloody mess ... but learning and finding connections ... in surprising ways ... so it keeps me interested if not so naive about the life force .. or the dhamma or the Holy Spirit ... depends on your beliefs.

May the force be with you all.

We all have insecurities .. but whether that becomes full blown paranoia ... whether it is purely in the mind or fact ... is something I am CURIOUS about ... not fully convinced of anything ... but learning ...

Insecurities are how the Tax Scammers I posted about get paid ... so its sifting through ... what bits are in our mind and fear driven ... but not to totally label ourselves or others ... usually its a mixed bag.

My computer is getting old and a lot of keys sometimes dont work ... so typos are increasing ... sorry if it has confused people ... confession I dont always proof read my own posts.

In response to: Paranoia or reality

Unknown userMember27 July 2016, 9:38 pm AEST

Re: Paranoia or reality

Me too @Apple blossom, re: full blown paranoia...wether it is in the mind or fact?! Like most things stem from somewhere. I guess it's how they manifest? How the mind interprets & perceives the idea? This is my understanding, or perhaps my rational mind making a situation better to forgo and unwanted thing to be really seen. It's situational & dependant on feeling attached to this issue. I think!!

In response to: Re: Paranoia or reality

AppleblossomSenior Contributor27 July 2016, 9:57 pm AEST

Re: Paranoia or reality

That is why I liked your thread title @Former-Member.

It is an important area that needs to be opened for rational discussion, before big pharma and a questionable DSM bible makes a mess of too many peoples lives.

I have been accused of intellectualising everything by the "FEELINGS POLICE".

I never had a comeback and promptly popped back into my shell for 30 years.

Now I think they were prey to the dualistic fallacy between ideas and matter. I have plenty of comebacks now ... mostly if they are intelligent thinking people they laugh, nod and agree with me.

In popular thought, people throw around feeling words and concepts to break the Descartian duality of mind and body. As far as that goes .. it is probably good, but then I started feeling I had no feelings which IS CRAZY ... cos I always had plenty .. but no-one to talk to ... to help me verbalise them.

In truth and in reality: I have a mind ... I have feelings ... they interact with each other ... they are not completely distinct from each other .. thank god CBT says some sensible things ... I have a body too but prefer not worry too much about that as it is getty wonky .. lol ... I like them all three, engaged and have finally found a range of ways of doing that ..

My analytical sense is not bloody intellectualising ... (it is only a part of me - being a muso has been a constant in life since 8 years of age).

Mostly people say that who have had not much training ... i can swear like any redblooded Ozzie ... and even use lots of 3 letter words .. if I reely want to ... its just others not wanting to address something in their own lives ... hence "false projections". I defintiely have feelings.

Where is reality in all that .. in the kitchen ... in the garden .. inside and outside my front door .. god it helps to finally have a front door which I can call the shots about who enters.

sorry about my rant ... but I think you are on to something .. we have to be honest emotionally and financially and socially ... and then stand up with head held high.

In response to: Paranoia or reality

Unknown userMember27 July 2016, 10:18 pm AEST

Re: Paranoia or reality

Yes I agree. I think I realized from my last CBT session to be just the case for me. It's so simple but somehow we became lost in the transit of doing just that..walking in my own 'feelings' standing firm. There is no hurt in being authentic to self. Without this we are a shell. A dying, withering shell, enamored to everyone else's agenda, or 'feeling' lives...human nature is so complex. I'm surprised how my own belief system harbours my own spirit to flourish, when I feel incredibly strongly or have been driven to utter annoyance at the situation I may be in. If one is accused of intellectualism, is it not our own way of understanding a problem? Or matter, with the tools we have developed over time. People who try & control others usually find me down the other street!

I'm glad you have a front door too 😊.
reminds me I still have my Lord shiva at front of house, he calls who stays & who will go!
Little thing's..such as this have helped my passage to safer grounds. Funny I'd forgotten about him.
I.e. the creator & destroyer of worlds.

I will be back on this later! 😊 @ Apple blossom

In response to: Paranoia or reality

AppleblossomSenior Contributor27 July 2016, 10:35 pm AEST

Re: Paranoia or reality

Maybe I am terribly disloyal to christianity as I have a tiny Shiva and Buddha in my entry hall ...

was good for lots of my piano student families to feel I included range of beliefs.

Glad you are both on the forum.

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