Everything is on fire

@Kurra and I are both serious long term musicians.

As you gain mastery of your instrument and reflect on how you feel as you play ... you will be able to use it therapeutically as well as just for the music or the teaching.

One of the issues of being a musician is that it tends to have us overstimulated and it is difficult to settle the mind and body. I am not limited by regular time schedules at the moment so can play at night. Just finished working on my Partita ... just quiet metronome work ... my house is well insulated.

Find some calming pieces that you can play in any brain state ... even if they are simple grade 3-5 level.

Sometimes it actually helps to express the intensity by playing intense pieces and then its out and it is possible to feel calmer ... hence @Kurra recommended the Beethoven's Waldstein Sonata for me the other night. It all depends ...

in a way ... music keeps you in touch with your feelings and that is actually a healthy thing ... stops some of the dissociations that can occur.

Sorry about your diagnoses, but welcome to the forum.

What is your instrument and what styles do you prefer?

Hi @Musicteacher13,

Welcome to the Forums and thanks for your post.

That’s a few diagnoses to be living with - I wonder how you are feeling in regards to those labels and how they reflect your unique experience. Sometimes they can be helpful, but other times they really stop short of capturing what your actual experience is like, and this might be off the mark, but it sounds like somehow capturing/expressing the depth in your emotional and psychological experience might be helpful for you? Perhaps through your music as @Kurra and @Appleblossom have suggested. I know making or listening to music has always helped me immensely when I’m caught up in my mind. Or even perhaps through journaling? Thinking can be pretty circular at times, and sometimes getting thoughts down on a page helps us get some distance from them, and helps us see them for what they are, just thoughts...

When you say you’ve been questioning everything in your life, what do you mean? Are they existential questions about the meaning of life, or doubts about direction or relationships or yourself? I feel like some questions lend themselves to answers that can be derived from thinking more easily than others. But alas, these are just more thoughts!

Good to have you here, keep posting and hope you to ‘see’ you around.

All the best,
supernova.

Hey @Musicteacher13 - I know that thing of the mind never stopping for me it is Bi Poalr II hypomania that causes the torrents of thoughts. But also perhaps the PTSD and anxiety - it just takes over, hypervigilance, having to second and third think everything - I get OCD with thoughts too - where a thought or series of thoughts get stuck in my head for hours, days and I am run ragged. Anxiety and stress get so much worse we kind of feed it all without meaning to with our thoughts.

Some of the things I do to try to JUMP the track when my mind is in full-on mode and running me ragged is come into the present for as long as I can, just sit and look at my surroundings - naming what I am looking at and staying present to it.

Rocking Chair. Picture of Leaping Bull. Carved Elephant. Floor Rug. Pot Plant. and name what I can hear too, that take a bit of effort - Airconditioner, Water splash from pond, tapping from the blind in the wind. Or maybe in your case being present to every sound you make with your insturment for 5 minutes.

Being really in the moment in your own body can help too - what is the feel of clothes against skin, what does the hot drink taste like, when you drink it what is the texture in your mouth etc.

Just MAKING yourself do this for 5 minutes can be a real calmer and that allows thought processes about what you might be able to do about your current situation, coming from a calmer place to begin with.

Its not easy to arrest the speediness, but it can be done and you get better with practice. The necessary SLOW DOWN of thoughts takes a lot of pressure off and can be a real releif just in its own right.

Hope this helps a bit.