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New and unsure?...

onestepatatimeContributor23 July 2020, 11:46 pm AEST

New and unsure?...

Hi,

I am just going to put a thing here to say that its a bit of a rant, as well as a post asking for some help, posted here.

I am one step at a time. I am new here to the forums and I guess wanted to share my story as it would be good to be able to talk with others who have experienced similar.

I am going on 23 and though I do have mental health struggles myself I am a full-time carer for my sister who is 20 this year.

I was previously working only casually but left my job to better take care of her.

she has a current diagnosis of

depression

anxiety both social and general

low IQ

and a heart condition of Ventricular Tachycardia

just recently she has also been diagnosed with

ADHD

OCD

and soon to be tested for ASD

unfortunately, she spent a lot of time with no diagnoses and then miss diagnosis until about 2 years ago and just now they are diagnosing the rest.

I guess I am also hoping I may be able to get some help/tips/advice as well

I would have to say my current struggles are helping her with her mental health struggles when she is unable to cope with speaking to any professionals like a psychologist/ psychiatrist and barely even the GP. she also struggles with identifying her emotions and explaining what's going on.

does anyone have any tips in helping to find a way to both explain and encourage her to speak to a psychologist as they could/would help her?

also, has anyone else gone through the experience of getting a diagnosis or multiple in this case so late in age

I guess I'm just trying to understand all the different diagnosis and what that means for her and what sort of support i should be giving her as right now i feel like I'm failing her 😞

sorry to kind of rant it all here but I don't have anyone at the moment that I can speak to about all this and I guess it would be good to be able to speak to others who know what it's like and all that's involved in being a carer

Thank you for taking the time to read my post

2 replies

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In response to: New and unsure?...

JB70Senior Contributor24 July 2020, 11:19 am AEST

Re: New and unsure?...

@onestepatatime Well done on being there for your sister. It seems many of us here have been through the journey of trying to get a diagnosis for our loved ones and trying to understand that diagnosis, all the while trying to deal with the day to day tribulations of dealing with mental illness. It is not an easy road (very bumpy with lots of ups and downs)

I have always tried educate myself with my husbands issues (wish I had the internet 26 years ago. Lol). Sometimes it has taken a lot of trial and error to find strategies that work for my hubby and psychologists have definitely with this. But hasn't always been inclined to get help. So it has to be gentle gentle encouragement and suggestions.

Love and patience are very much needed. Practice relaxation during stressful times and if there is nothing practical you can do to help a situation, try not to worry about what you have no control over (easier to say than to do).

I also am new to the forums, but really do think this is a place where people do understand, and there are lots of practical suggestions. I have decided to spend a little time here every day. Take care. 😊

In response to: New and unsure?...

TiSoG21Contributor28 July 2020, 3:45 am AEST

Re: New and unsure?...

I am new here too, this is literally my first ever post!

I just want to encourage you and say you are absolutely not failing her! This is all very new to you as well and something I am starting to learn is that we have a breaking point too. Life is incredibly hard for people with mental illness, but it is super hard for the carers as well - especially when you're up against several diagnosis.

The best advice I could give:

1. Patience. Even when we understand what they're going through - we still dont understand.

2. Look after yourself - you can't help her if you're breaking down yourself. It's like 2 people drowning using each other to stay afloat.

My husband has OCD and this year I decided to see a psychologist for myself. I only have mild anxiety, but I realised that sometimes I need someone to just talk to about his stuff without fear of them judging him. It has been fantastic! Even on days where I didnt feel like talking, it was an hour where I prioritised myself (which I suspect you dont do for yourself at the moment - this is so important)

3. Offer to go along to appointments with her to start with. Try out different psychologists if she doesnt hit it off with one after 2-3 sessions.

One of the best things I was ever told was by a friend who said "I'll always do my all to help you, but I wouldnt be doing that if I didn't strongly encourage you to see a psych". It helped me realise there are many different parts to be played in recovery and they are a crucial part.

Your situation sounds beyond difficult and no doubt you're going to have some really hard days, but I'm sure she is grateful for the love and care you've shown for her so far.

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