Fighting the enemy within while trying not to let it show

My last 4 years have been the most embarrassing, heart breaking and confusing time in my life, and I fail to see there is light at the end of the tunnel, 20yrs in the defence force I saw, did and was part of some very dangerous and traumatic experiences and the effects of this resulted in my hospitalization and diagnosis of PTSD and bi polar, I lost my career and more importantly my sanity. Heavily medicated for life, constantly in a state of scattered, depressive, anxious thoughts, short term memory loss, I jolt and shake in my sleep, can't handle being at social gatherings of more than 10 people, and somehow I'm trying to maintain a relationship and a stressful job as a project manager and trying to recover, the odds are against me as I fight these illnesses on two fronts, when I get really bad I appear to others as ditzy or forgetful which is still better than people knowing I'm insane, I'm so exhausted from having to juggle all this but I won't give up, but that doesn't mean I can cope or will ever find peace