Changing meds

Hi. How are you going today @NatureLover

The weather is horrible, no chance of a walk today unfortunatley. I'll have to find some other form of distraction to curb my anxiety.

I imagine you're disappointed about not being able to go for your walk today ☹️

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@WIP wrote:

I imagine you're disappointed about not being able to go for your walk today ☹️

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Yes, very. Did you get the hail earlier? My phone says it's only 7 degrees right now!

I hope you can find other distractions today... @WIP

By the way, does WIP stand for "Work In Progress"? Or something else? (You don't need to say, if it's private)

Yes, WIP stands for Work In Progress. That's how I view myself at the moment @NatureLover

No hail in my area yet. My phone indicates that we've got Thunderstorms to look forward to tonight. I wonder how my puppy will go with those, he hasn't heard them before. I think he'll bark back at the noise, rather than run and hide. He's a very inquisitive little fellow. He watches the tv sometimes and takes notice of the music on some ads. If there's a dog on the tv, he barks at it - you'd be surprised how many tv ads have dogs in them 😉

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@WIP wrote:

Yes, WIP stands for Work In Progress. That's how I view myself at the moment @NatureLover

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I think that's a positive and hopeful outlook, @WIP 👍

I hope your puppy goes OK with the thunderstorms tonight...

I didn't sleep well last. Falling asleep was difficult and then waking up from disturbing dreams. So I've been unsettled since early this morning and been on a steep decline ever since.

20 minutes ago, I burst out sobbing and am having trouble settling down. My mind is racing and won't slow down. I feel so overwhelmed at the moment. Life is not what I would like it to be. I know life if full of ups and downs, but when am I going to experience some of the ups. It's been so long, I don't remember the last time I genuinely smiled, laughed or enjoyed myself. There's no light, just darkness and fear.

I'm concerned that seeing a new psychiatrist tomorrow is going to turn out to be the wrong decision, particularly now that I'm in the middle of med changes with the current fellow I'm seeing. But, I made the appt 3 months ago, as that's what the waiting list was. I'm so confused, by my feelings, my thoughts on what the right thing is do to do get help.

I hate depression and just wish it would lift for a little while, so I could again have some hope,belief that life will get better. I'm stuck and have been for many, many months. I'm running out steam, being all on my own, it's very difficult to keep going.

Thanks for reading @BPDSurvivor @NatureLover @Sam3 @MDT @Emelia8 @Snowie @Appleblossom @Zoe7

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@WIP wrote:

There's no light, just darkness and fear.

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I hate depression and just wish it would lift for a little while, so I could again have some hope,belief that life will get better. I'm stuck and have been for many, many months. I'm running out steam, being all on my own, it's very difficult to keep going.

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Hi @WIP , I'm sorry to hear things are still so bad. It really makes a difference when we don't sleep well.

I reckon it's worth going along to the new psychiatrist appointment, if you feel up to it, since they are so hard to get into - you may click with them, or maybe you can get a second opinion on meds. And if after the appointment it doesn't feel right, you don't need to go back.

I really hope you can see some spark of light soon...

Hi @WIP ,

Please don't say you are alone. You are not. We are here for you. I guess sometimes we want someone physically with us in hope we won't feel so alone. But really, even when people have partners, children, family, they still feel alone. Contentment and fulfilment start from within. It is something that we learn.

I lived in a state of utter depression for more than 10 years of my life. Each day was a struggle. I hated it. I used to look at how people around me were moving on, yet I was still 'stuck'. The more I envied their life, the more depressed I got. Since then, I don't seek to look at the lives of others. I look at where I am now, where I'd like to be, and work on the steps (baby steps) in between. If we live in the past, we get depressed. If we live in the future, we get anxious. The best way is to live in the NOW. Let tomorrow take care of itself. No one knows how tomorrow's appointment will turn out, but this is a step towards doing something differently.

I may not physically with you in person, but I am with you in thoughts. Although there seems like there is no light, the dark cloud WILL lift. I can assure you. Don't be hard on yourself. It is ok to cry. Who said crying is not allowed? Have compassion on yourself.

HUGE HUGS to you,

BPDSurvivor

Hi @WIP

Thanks for tagging me

Just because you are seeing the new pdoc tomorrow doesn't mean you have to keep seeing them after tomorrow. See how you feel and how you get on with them. Just because you seee them tomorrow doesn't mean you have to keep seeing them, decide afterwards.

I can understand the darkness and fear being present, it is hard to find the good moments in the days.

Sending you lots of love and hugs hun

Hi @WIP 🧡 Thank you for tagging me to your thread. I have seen you around lots of threads, but didnt know where to find you, for you. Anyway I have now subscribed to your thread. If ever feel that I have anything of value to say, I will post. But know that I am reading in the background and supporting you in spirit, even if I dont actually post.

I do know exactly what its like for our minds to be racing all the time, and to feel overwhelmed. I can also relate when you say you dont recall the last time you genuinely smiled, laughed or enjoyed yourself. Even if doing something you used to enjoy. Its really hard work looking from within a pit of darkness and fear, and not knowing if there is an escape from it.

Yes ... I get it. I hate depression also. My primary MH issue is extreme Anxiety (from PTSD). But, as is common for those of us with PTSD, I often find myself with a solid dose of Depression as well. After 24 years of learning to deal with Anxiety, I find I am better able to cope with that than I am with the Depression. Being on your own must make things doubly difficult I expect, especially with the COVID crisis happening all around.

All I can say is that you must keep going, as difficult as it no doubt is. Nothing stays the same forever, and there is a way through. Perhaps your appointment with a new psychiatrist tomorrow, could signal the start of your improvement. I hold out hope that thats the case for you. 💕

Hi to the other contributers here as well

@Snowie @NatureLover @MDT @BPDSurvivor @Appleblossom @Zoe7 🌷

@Sam3 ... its nice to see you again after what seems like a long break. You wont recognise me under this name, but I remember you well. We used to talk regularly. 😊

Emelia 🌸