Help with setting boundaries

@SoSHi Sos I have schizoaffective disorder and when I was acutely ill I was out of control. The thing is your daughter doesnt sound like she has her meds right if she is so angry. She needs her mood stabilzers looked at by a good (probably private) psychiatrist. It took many months and a great psychiatrist to get my meds right. Remember that it is the mental illness that is doing the talking and that your daughter is in desperate need of help before she gets herself into real trouble. Love greenpea

@SoS just another thought it can take months for meds to fully take effect. She sounds like she needs to visit her psychiatrist fortnightly during this period. Another thing is she drinking alcohol? alcohol is very bad for schizoaffective patients let alone taking other forms of drugs. It is hard when sufferers are so young they do not understand the repercussions of their actions.

I can honestly say that when my meds were right my moods were calm and peaceful. It doesnt mean that my anxiety goes away it is the anger that subsides. greenpea

@Bunniekins @Thank you for your reply.

Our daughters care is completely in the private sector, she has a private psychiatrist and he has been adjusting her meds, that was the main reason for latest hospital admission. The problem we had is that she as good as discharged herself last Tuesday before she was ready to come home. You are admitted to this service voluntarily and up to last week she agreed to be there. As her mood stabilised, she decided she didn't need to be there anymore despite her anxiety and irritation still being heightened. Her doctor was very aware of this but couldn't stop her from leaving. I'm very concerned about her anger and that is part of what is causing a lot of the problems for us here at home. I wish she could see her psychiatrist fortnightly but sadly he doesn't have that kind of availability. His next available appointment is August 24th although she is also on the cancellation list. She has been told the consequences of taking drugs and also the limits on alcohol. Her doctor has told her a max of 2 drinks and that if she ever takes any party drugs again it will send her psychotic and there's nothing he will be able to do to help her. Apart from it becoming unsustainable for her to be living under our roof due to her anger and control issues, she is also pushing to move out. I know she's not in the right space yet for that to happen and am seeking support services to work out a plan that will help all of us. Fingers crossed for me today

@Bunniekins Is anger something you've struggled with? Is this a part of the illness?

@SoS I asked my psychiatrist this very question about anger and she said yes it is very common for schizoaffective patients to suffer from extreme bouts of anger. I am normally a very placid person and was up until I became ill. It sounds to me that you are doing everything right by yourself and your daughter. Unfortunately this wretched mental illness is a cruel one. It helped to destroy my marriage and nearly my relationship with my own children. I have now been on the meds for over 5 years with many adjustments along the way and have a good relationship with my ex and children now and have promised them to stay on my meds. That is the key to getting better stay on meds, no alcohol or drugs and living a healthy lifestyle.

@Bunniekins I'm scared that what is happening with my daughter right now is doing irreparable damage to our relationship. I don't want to lose her. This illness is so cruel on so many levels, not only on our daughter but on the rest of our little family. We are slowly imploding and it's shattering to not only witness but be a part of

@SoS yes it is a very destructive illness. I am so sorry that you are going through this and that it will probably take along time to heal itself .... you must take measures in looking after yourself and your partner and other children. That is vital. I suppose what I am stressing is that it is not your daughter who is the problem but the illness and if she keeps on track she will improve and you will get your daughter back again. It will just take time unfortunately .... it is just a case of limiting the damage the illness will inflict upon those closest to her and herself.

I cannot tell you what to do only give you a perspective from a sufferer of this illness and the damage it did to me and my family. All I can say is my ex now says he wishes he understood what was going on with me at the time and things would have ended up differently.

@Bunniekins

It is so helpful to hear from the perspective of someone going through it and what's it's been like for someone else. So many people have never heard of schizoaffective disorder and don't understand so it been quite a lonely journey as we struggle to work out how we need to support her. I honestly don't know what I'm meant to do to support her as she's told me today that what I do doesn't help. No matter what I say or suggest at the moment is received with an explosion of anxiety and this has a knock on reaction to me. I literally jump and instantly tear up when ever she speaks at the moment. Can you give me some insight as to what sort of support works for you? She's told me that the constant checking in with her and asking how she's feeling makes her feel like she's in hospital. Do I just completely back off and trust she will let me know when she needs me? She didn't yesterday when she flew off the handle in less than 2 mins and then went proceeeded to self harm. I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place. When I ask her what she needs from me she says that she doesn't know. Everyone is just so sensitive and vulnerable and there's not much relief

@SoS When I got out of hospital after 3 weeks it was my mother who was there for me. The only one who was there for me. I was homeless and slept on her sofa for what seemed like months. When I had a place of my own she would drive 1 1/2 hours once a week to see me she is in her 80s. She would ring me every day to see how I was going. I could not have done it without her. I was very lucky to have her. Slowly my family came back to me. The more they understood.

Are there any peer groups around your area? I am just thinking Headspace for example may be able to help. If she is self harming then imho she should be admitted involunarily. I should add that I have a son2 with multiple problems including schizophrenia who I have had to admit involuntarily for being violent towards me so I know how hard it is But necessary at times.

I will tell you a bit about my son2 it may help. He began to get violent when he was about 16 and it lasted until he was 21. We used to have to call the police as well as the ambos to get him to hospital. It was a nightmare. Court case and many years later he is a dream to live with and he takes his medications doesnt drink or take drugs. The thing is it will end. It may not seem that it will but it will. As long as your daughter does the right things. Now if she isnt then if it were me I would be making it clear that she has to otherwise she will have to find other accomodation. I mean you can only do so much and she has to try to get better. But firstly I would be looking at medications again. Maybe changing psychiatrist if he/she cannot see your daughter more often.I have to ask does your daughter actually take her meds? do you see her take them? No one likes these meds they are miserable (tiredness, weight gain). Make sure you are around when she takes them. Self harm off to hospital. That is intolerable for everyone to witness.

You are such a caring person. I can tell that you are at your wits end and trying so hard to help your daughter. I just wish I could give you a magic potion that will quickly make all of this go away..... unfortunately there is none. It is a long hard slog but worth it