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I don't know why I am really writing this. There seems to be part of me which says that I need to pull my head in and do this alone and another part who so desperately wants to reach out for help. I am really struggling. I'm not coping at all. For much of the day I've thought about all the reasons to die and there are hundreds. There is also one reason to live that keeps me here. I can't let down my oldest son and cut out his trip of a lifetime. He would have to come home and pick up all the pieces for everyone. I keep telling myself I have to hold on until he comes back and then I can let go but this keeps me waiting to die not choosing to live. I have a cold sore that now goes from the corner of my eye the length of my nose and it's slowly creeping across my face from stress. It started on Wednesday and each morning I wake to find more of my face engulfed by it. I am so tired. I am so sorry to write this and I know I'm so lucky to have friends on here that care. I don't want anyone to have to deal with this as it is so depressing so I started this thread as a way of saying that I'm not well when writing here and please don't feel obliged to read or respond.
I am feeling a bit stressed out atm but I had a good gym session and got some PB's tonight
In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment
Unknown userMember
Re: I am struggling at the moment
@Former-Member
Is there anything I can do to help?
In response to: I am struggling at the moment
Unknown userMember
Re: I am struggling at the moment
Hi again @Former-Member
I think you being too hard on yourself
What did the psychiatrist say to trigger you?
I used to get really trigged by my specialist so I mite be able to share with you what as helped me. I'm not sure if it will help you in the same way and perhaps you will need modify it to suit your needs.
In response to: I am struggling at the moment
Unknown userMember
Re: I am struggling at the moment
Hey @Former-Member, I think its our normal, up and down, just try not to add to our own distress with bad reactions. Somehowm I've crashed. Can't move - hardly doing a thing, hope I don't get pressurexaorea lol, not sure why or how I'll pick up, or why, but I we always do eventually. Somehow. As for Drs, my GP was weird Sunday, unhelpful, maybe they all got the same Gov memo that's gonna affect their pay or something.lol Nighty Night New Day tomorrow 🙂
In response to: I am struggling at the moment
Unknown userMember
Re: I am struggling at the moment
@Former-Member. Just wondering if you are still around?
In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment
Unknown userMember
Re: I am struggling at the moment
Hi @Former-Member
I thought you must be struggling too as you've been so quiet. Thanks for coming on. I hope you get some peace and moments of joy soon💜😊💐🤗
Hi @Former-Member
thank you so much for trying to help. I think tonight I'm just trying to get through. My therapist is ringing my psychiatrist tomorrow to work out what's going on. She saved me this afternoon. I was pleased to read about your PBs 👍🤗💐😊💜
@BlueBay
i hope tomorrow brings you more peace. Part of my meltdown is over him wanting to change my meds. I am scared about it. 💜😊💐🤗
@Former-Member, @utopia, @Faith-and-Hope, thanks heaps for your show of support 💜😊💐🤗
In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment
Unknown userMember
Re: I am struggling at the moment
@Former-Member Thanks for coming back online. You do what you need to do. Just one step at a time. I'm hoping this is just a hiccup for you. I am off to see my specialist tomorrow and my niece. I am bottling some emotions tonight myself because I am just trying to understand then, I am not good at emotions or know how to talk about them much, as I grew up with three older brothers and they were probably better at expressing their feelings then me. I just have to realize we can't be good at everything and I am slowly changing my life. I hope to communicate more with you later in the week when you are up to it. I am just going to get ready for bed and I will come back and check her before I head off to bed.
In response to: I am struggling at the moment
Unknown userMember
Re: I am struggling at the moment
Thanks @Former-Member I am hurting because I don't know when and if the hiccups (me crashing in crisis and self sabotaging) will ever stop. I don't know that I am strong enough to go through this for the rest of my life week in and week out, just trying to counteract the distress caused by minor things. I hate coming on here in distress. I don't want this to be my life.
I can imagine that unless you are incredibly outgoing and forthright growing up with 3 older brothers would have been difficult. My best friend did but she is really confident and self assured but I know it wasn't always easy for her. I hope you work out what it is that is being bottled and a way to discharge it soon. Take care of you. I hope you sleep well. Tomorrow is another day for bit of us. You have a lovely plans catching up with your niece. I just realised have you emotions from the visit from your parents?
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