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I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember23 July 2016, 6:06 pm AEST

I am struggling at the moment

I don't know why I am really writing this. There seems to be part of me which says that I need to pull my head in and do this alone and another part who so desperately wants to reach out for help. I am really struggling. I'm not coping at all. For much of the day I've thought about all the reasons to die and there are hundreds. There is also one reason to live that keeps me here. I can't let down my oldest son and cut out his trip of a lifetime. He would have to come home and pick up all the pieces for everyone. I keep telling myself I have to hold on until he comes back and then I can let go but this keeps me waiting to die not choosing to live. I have a cold sore that now goes from the corner of my eye the length of my nose and it's slowly creeping across my face from stress. It started on Wednesday and each morning I wake to find more of my face engulfed by it. I am so tired. I am so sorry to write this and I know I'm so lucky to have friends on here that care. I don't want anyone to have to deal with this as it is so depressing so I started this thread as a way of saying that I'm not well when writing here and please don't feel obliged to read or respond.

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In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor26 July 2016, 1:56 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

@Former-Member

Breathe.

Distract.

Radio on ? I can't yet cos D3's got a headache, but that's next for me ... as soon as I can.

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

DecadianSenior Contributor26 July 2016, 2:05 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Hi @Former-Member

I am sure I would hate sitting in a cold car feeling as if the sky has fallen - which sounds like it might be the case atm

But it is better than driving when you are upset

And if you can't face home right now I totally understand - I remember walking around on a Sunday afternoon in the pouring rain rather than go home - I suppose people get stuck there at times

I had a run in with someone in my past - it never worked for me to have someone shout at me - mature experience tells me that I was often in the too-hard basket

So - I will be here for a while yet - I can sit with you in spirit - take it easy - can you get a hot cup of coffee or soup at least - to warm you up inside

Decadian

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor26 July 2016, 2:10 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

@Former-Member

Can you but a cup of tea in a cafe, or roadhouse, or somewhere warm other than your car ?

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember26 July 2016, 2:11 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Hi @Former-Member

I'm here for you too.

You raise above this my friend and you are stronger then what you think are. Remember you always have other options and can sack you specialist and find someone else.

Thanks so much for the chat on Saturday night.

I had an specialist appointment today with my IVF Dr and went really well.

I am just about to take Kira for a walk soon.

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember26 July 2016, 2:29 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

I just had a nap and need to sleep more. Sometimes the only way I can get passed this is to sleep off my emotions. I'm exhausted from the intensity of these ones. I'm still not through it but getting through the hardest part. Thanks for your care and concern. I hate that I do this. Right now I hate myself pretty much but I should be ok. Thank you again for being here. It feels like the Calvary arriving to come in to battle with me💜💜💜

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor26 July 2016, 2:34 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Yeah .... that's us 😊 !!

Glad you know what to do to help it pass @Former-Member ....

Sleep, and let us know when you're up again .... some of us will be here . ... walkin' with ya sista .....

🌷💜

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

DecadianSenior Contributor26 July 2016, 2:38 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

You're right @Former-Member

We are the calvary coming to rescue you - with feathers in our hats and our glorious horses

At least - it is comforting to know that you don't feel alone out there in the cold -

And you panic sometimes - who doesn't - I would really like to know who doesn't get freaked out at times

Is there anyone who can admit that honestly they can't build up a bit of a sweat when the pressure is on

Still here @Former-Member

Decadian

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember26 July 2016, 6:22 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

I am finding it hard to go home. I'm still stuck in my car and in my head. It's been raining for hours and I can't feel my feet anymore.

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember26 July 2016, 6:27 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

@Former-Member

I'm here. I hope you are ok x

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember26 July 2016, 6:29 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

My kids have been ringing and I can't face talking to them. I don't know what to do with myself

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