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I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember23 July 2016, 6:06 pm AEST

I am struggling at the moment

I don't know why I am really writing this. There seems to be part of me which says that I need to pull my head in and do this alone and another part who so desperately wants to reach out for help. I am really struggling. I'm not coping at all. For much of the day I've thought about all the reasons to die and there are hundreds. There is also one reason to live that keeps me here. I can't let down my oldest son and cut out his trip of a lifetime. He would have to come home and pick up all the pieces for everyone. I keep telling myself I have to hold on until he comes back and then I can let go but this keeps me waiting to die not choosing to live. I have a cold sore that now goes from the corner of my eye the length of my nose and it's slowly creeping across my face from stress. It started on Wednesday and each morning I wake to find more of my face engulfed by it. I am so tired. I am so sorry to write this and I know I'm so lucky to have friends on here that care. I don't want anyone to have to deal with this as it is so depressing so I started this thread as a way of saying that I'm not well when writing here and please don't feel obliged to read or respond.

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In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Sans911Senior Contributor28 Feb 2019, 11:27 am AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Hugs @Teej for the tough times. Al the best with your therapist today

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

TeejSenior Contributor28 Feb 2019, 2:22 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Thanks @Sans911 .💜🤗

last night was a culmination of lots of things. I am feeling the huge feelings of rejection and failure with the one who wants to move out. I wish I was enough for them to stay. I know logically that it isn’t all about me (they’re fully grown, wise, financially stable mid twenties adults) but I can’t change the feelings that it is about all my weaknesses.

I also had a phone call from my brother where we discussed getting a lawyer involved in my property settlement. I am so mixed with it all and hoped we’d not have to go down this path. My brother has been trying to contact my ex to start talking about it but my ex won’t respond.

Yesterday my psych session through me every which way. I don’t even know what to write about it. I’m trying to drag my backside to my therapist but I just want to turn everything off instead.

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor28 Feb 2019, 2:43 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

💜 @Teej

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

CheerBearSenior Contributor28 Feb 2019, 2:46 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

So much going on for you at the moment @Teej. No wonder you want to switch off from it.

It's so easy to say "one thing at a time" but so tricky when all the things happen at once.

🤞 therapist is helpful. I'm thinking she'll understand how important it is to not add to the messy today.

Big ❤ (and some ☃️❄⛄ for the heat)

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

CheerBearSenior Contributor28 Feb 2019, 10:48 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Running the risk of being a pest @Teej but I am thinking tonight might be hard and I wanted to remind you of the landing spot and lots of ❤ and care for you here.

I hope things went well enough for the rest of your afternoon and evening.

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

TeejSenior Contributor28 Feb 2019, 11:22 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Not being a pest @CheerBear . I have enough of those at home....ants, a new mouse 😬 and weevils. Sorry you dont come close in the pest department 😜.

Im ok enough. Therapist glued humpty back together. Came home to news of my ex that makes everything messier in that department. Fueled my guilt, shame etc for getting my brother involved because I don’t have big enough big girl pants to deal with that issue.

Am staying at mums tonight just to be safe. I have put so much on tomorrow. Here’s my whinge. It sounds heavy but I don’t feel it that way. For the last few weeks I’ve been putting things off because if it goes badly tomorrow I figured I wouldn’t need them anymore. I’ve spent the week justifying things if it goes badly. I’m writing it here so someone knows but also for accountability.

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

CheerBearSenior Contributor28 Feb 2019, 11:36 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Ugh to the pests @Teej.

I'm sorry about your ex. I don't think it matters how big our pants are, sometimes ex related things are very scary, messy and need other people to help out with.

It's great you're being safe and staying with your mum. I hear you with the last part of that post. I want to make it better for you 😔 I want to tell you it will be OK eventually and that you've been through really hard stuff and come out of it before. But I won't because I know how (swear word) this stuff is and that I can't know for sure that it will be OK, and how much this really does push people to the limits and maybe beyond sometimes, and how when you're there in that place, it can be impossible to see beyond it.

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

TeejSenior Contributor28 Feb 2019, 11:44 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Thanks @CheerBear for understanding the mess that this causes. I’m going to try to sleep for now that I’m yawning. 💜🤗

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

CheerBearSenior Contributor28 Feb 2019, 11:50 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

I'm going to have to take something to settle my pretty hyper feeling head and try for bed now too @Teej.

I have a busy day of appointments then a beach trip after school and people for dinner tomorrow. I might not be around tomorrow (beyond a support button if I happen to catch a post about how it went). But I will be thinking of you and sending you all the "you got this" I have. I really, really hope it goes the right way for you.

Take care Teej ❤

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

CheerBearSenior Contributor01 Mar 2019, 5:05 am AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

I saw your support button pushing @Teej. How are you going? Here if you'd like to chat/vent etc ❤

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