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I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember23 July 2016, 6:06 pm AEST

I am struggling at the moment

I don't know why I am really writing this. There seems to be part of me which says that I need to pull my head in and do this alone and another part who so desperately wants to reach out for help. I am really struggling. I'm not coping at all. For much of the day I've thought about all the reasons to die and there are hundreds. There is also one reason to live that keeps me here. I can't let down my oldest son and cut out his trip of a lifetime. He would have to come home and pick up all the pieces for everyone. I keep telling myself I have to hold on until he comes back and then I can let go but this keeps me waiting to die not choosing to live. I have a cold sore that now goes from the corner of my eye the length of my nose and it's slowly creeping across my face from stress. It started on Wednesday and each morning I wake to find more of my face engulfed by it. I am so tired. I am so sorry to write this and I know I'm so lucky to have friends on here that care. I don't want anyone to have to deal with this as it is so depressing so I started this thread as a way of saying that I'm not well when writing here and please don't feel obliged to read or respond.

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In response to: I am struggling at the moment

TeejSenior Contributor08 Aug 2018, 12:05 am AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

I’m going to try to sleep now @Faith-and-Hope. I really wanted to keep taking them tonight. Lots of si but I’m ok atm. Thank you for being here. Speak later. 💜🤗

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor08 Aug 2018, 12:09 am AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

No problem @Teej .... so pleased you reached out.

We get given a concept word to work from with sculpture class ..... chat about it another time.

Hope you sleep soon.

💜

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember08 Aug 2018, 5:13 am AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

@Teej xox

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

CheerBearSenior Contributor08 Aug 2018, 7:52 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

I was in the vegetable garden the other day clearing out a huge amount of weeds. Almost nothing survived except the rosemary and maybe a lavender 🤞but in the corner hiding under some giant things that don't belong there was this little snapdragon.

For you @Teej.

Wondering how you are and how your day was. Hoping it's a little less stormy tonight (though getting it may not be) 💗

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

TeejSenior Contributor08 Aug 2018, 8:15 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

I’m just pretty much exhausted @CheerBear. I’m so sorry all I can do at the moment is like posts. I’m going to take myself out again tonight although I’m not as out of control as I was last night and not so worried that I’ll go too far.

My psych appointment today was just me falling apart like I knew I would. I seem to have lost many of my masks at the moment and it’s just raw emotion that is coming out.

I am struggling hugely to write stuff on the forum lately. I don’t know what is wrong with me. Nothing feels right at the moment. Thats the whingy whiny 😫 me just now. I think for everyone’s sake it’s better if I lay low until some teej comes back.

Looking forward to seeing your surprise. Snapdragons are one of my faves. I have 4 that have flowered for about 9 months continuously now.

So glad you got some relieving news today. 💜🤗

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Sans911Senior Contributor08 Aug 2018, 8:20 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

@Teej

I've been missing you but leaving you to find your own space. 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

CheerBearSenior Contributor08 Aug 2018, 8:23 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

It's always good to see you @Teej though I hope you don't feel pressure to reply if you're not up to. I smile seeing your likes, thank you.

Raw emotion can be exhausting. Wearing masks all the time is also pretty tiring though too maybe. Big big hugs. I hope you find some relief tonight ❤

P.s.- snapdragons were one I fell in love with as a little person and I think my earliest flower love was probably them. Nice to hear yours have given you some 🌸

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor08 Aug 2018, 8:31 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

💜💜💜 @Teej ....

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

TeejSenior Contributor08 Aug 2018, 8:34 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Thanks @CheerBear, @Sans911.

Snapdragons are in my childhood memories as well @CheerBear

you both never make me feel pressured at all. It’s kind of a relief to say things are just crappy at the moment. Sometimes I kind of struggle to realise that is what I’m feeling but it can help to write it here when prodded, so please never worry. The one one who really puts the most pressure on is me 😳:face_with_rolling_eyes:

hugs to you all 💜🤗

and @Former-Member. Thank you for your post. It gave me a lift earlier.

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor08 Aug 2018, 8:37 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Snapdragons hold special memories for me too ....

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