I am struggling at the moment

I'm back @Teej

if you want to talk, or you want some company if you're still awake. Hugs my friend.

Bad teej won a bit. Have self medicated the crap out of myself. Am about to pass out but safe enough. So so sorry for being a shit. I am so pathetic. I am so not worthy of being here or responding to anyone. Love to you all. 💜

@Teej .... 💜

@Teej I hope you found some peace and sleep last night. I read your post above and it sounds so much like the self critical, hurting side that lingers inside me too. That side is putting up a huge fight at the moment because we're doing heaps of work on self compassion while we're here and she's not going down without kicking and screaming. I know that side of yours is very loud sometimes and I get how hard it can be to live with it.

For you

❤

Oh @Teej, feel for you, ya not alone. Must be a full moon or something, everyones stretched. Hope i'm not being too tough saying, but ya gotta stop putting yourself down. Would you ever say to a friend:

"Bad girl" or

"medicate the crap out of yourself" or

you're "being a shit" or

"youre so pathetic" or

"ya so not worthy of being here" ...

OH MY GOODNESS TEEJ!

Whose voice is that?

Maybe an abusive childhood memory? or our all too familiar BLACKDOG - growelling away, but Teej, these are not you, THESE ARE LIES, not you.

I'm overwhelmed with negative thoughts atm too - we really do have to search for the stars in the night sky, behind the passing clouds, look for / listen to the good, its there. I need to do this today too.
Hey, do you ever get buzzing whistles in ears?

Thanks @Former-Member, @outlander, @CheerBear, @Faith-and-Hope, @Sans911, @Former-Member

I slept until about an hour ago. Slept through my therapist appointment 😳.

Im ok, not out of control like last night. Going to spend some time outside and get some sun. Very teary atm but I’m much safer when the tears come and anger leaves. Hardest part is that I can’t get past anger still without switching it off in an unhealthy slightly dangerous way. But oh how 15 plus hours of deep sleep, no dreams and nothing but black help to reset a bit.

hugs to you all 💜🤗

Afternoon @Teej

Letting go of anger is hard hey? I have trouble crying anyway, even more so with needing to release anger. It all gets stuck in my chest and throat.

Thanks @outlander, @Sans911

@outlander. My sleep is chemically induced. It usually slows me down for 24 hrs. My GP and psychiatrist have said I’m playing a little with fire doing it and one day I may not wake up, thus the unhealthy coping strategy. BUT I have had a 100% success rate of waking up. Usually when I do it waking up is not high on my agenda either. It’s something that is a low risk and the benefits I get outweigh the risk most times but it’s not changing my behaviours or getting me to sit through those emotions so it’s completely maladaptive. I have a standing appointment with my therapist so I don’t need to rebook which is a bit lucky. I spoke to her briefly. Has today been a bit easier for you?

@Sans911 Yep anger is my Achilles heel. It’s always anger at myself or a hurt that I turn into anger because I don’t know how to deal with it. I think if I could have cried yesterday it would have helped hugely. I’ve lost someone I could talk to as well which is also making it a little harder.

i have a feeling we both keep things inside that we feel insecure about or shame until they implode. How are you doing?

Would love to to hear how you are too @Former-Member.

💜🤗