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I don't know why I am really writing this. There seems to be part of me which says that I need to pull my head in and do this alone and another part who so desperately wants to reach out for help. I am really struggling. I'm not coping at all. For much of the day I've thought about all the reasons to die and there are hundreds. There is also one reason to live that keeps me here. I can't let down my oldest son and cut out his trip of a lifetime. He would have to come home and pick up all the pieces for everyone. I keep telling myself I have to hold on until he comes back and then I can let go but this keeps me waiting to die not choosing to live. I have a cold sore that now goes from the corner of my eye the length of my nose and it's slowly creeping across my face from stress. It started on Wednesday and each morning I wake to find more of my face engulfed by it. I am so tired. I am so sorry to write this and I know I'm so lucky to have friends on here that care. I don't want anyone to have to deal with this as it is so depressing so I started this thread as a way of saying that I'm not well when writing here and please don't feel obliged to read or respond.
Are you tired ... or have your thumb in too many pies just now. You sound tired.
In response to: I am struggling at the moment
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
Tired from travelling across the country and landing to find the kitchen floor flooded ....
Mr and S2 have just landed now, a day later .... and mr. has not been very balanced lately ..... doesn’t know about the water leak yet ....
I got the plumber in this morning and cleaned up the mess ....
Tired in anticipation of walking on eggshells for the next couple of weeks I think. Emotionally tired.
Distractions are helping me ....
In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment
TeejSenior Contributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
Are you there for a few weeks? Yes it must be hard to try to be one step ahead all the time.....and exhausting.
In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment
TeejSenior Contributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
I’m so sorry I’m doing this to you. I’m so close to making it and so close to not.
In response to: I am struggling at the moment
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
You are not doing anything to me @Teej .... I am your friend end and I am sitting with you. It is my pleasure to be with you .....
Here for a couple of weeks.
In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment
TeejSenior Contributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
I am really not in a good headspace. I wish you could be here right now and take everything from me.
In response to: I am struggling at the moment
CatcakesSenior Contributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
What is the likely reaction of Mr F&H to finding out about the kitchen flood? @Faith-and-Hope To What do you attribute his lack of balance lately ?
In response to: I am struggling at the moment
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
Can you take it and put it away from you for me @Teej ? Flush anything that needs to be kept out of reach ?
In response to: I am struggling at the moment
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
Mr f&h’s reaction is likely to be wanting to sell the house @Catcakes ..... which would not be great for any of us.
His imbalance I think is owing to the fact that he can’t control everything and everyone .... D3 being deferred from uni with seemingly “nothing wrong with her health, all in her imagination, needing to pull up her socks and get on with life” .....and he has had blood test results that show an issue, which is confusing him when he is living the healthiest possible life, according to his perceptions.
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