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I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember23 July 2016, 6:06 pm AEST

I am struggling at the moment

I don't know why I am really writing this. There seems to be part of me which says that I need to pull my head in and do this alone and another part who so desperately wants to reach out for help. I am really struggling. I'm not coping at all. For much of the day I've thought about all the reasons to die and there are hundreds. There is also one reason to live that keeps me here. I can't let down my oldest son and cut out his trip of a lifetime. He would have to come home and pick up all the pieces for everyone. I keep telling myself I have to hold on until he comes back and then I can let go but this keeps me waiting to die not choosing to live. I have a cold sore that now goes from the corner of my eye the length of my nose and it's slowly creeping across my face from stress. It started on Wednesday and each morning I wake to find more of my face engulfed by it. I am so tired. I am so sorry to write this and I know I'm so lucky to have friends on here that care. I don't want anyone to have to deal with this as it is so depressing so I started this thread as a way of saying that I'm not well when writing here and please don't feel obliged to read or respond.

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In response to: I am struggling at the moment

utopiaSenior Contributor15 Jan 2017, 1:13 am AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

@Former-Member. How are you going today? Feel like a chat? - about anything. I think I'm going to be up for the next hour. Can't sleep yet.

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

darrenhayesSenior Contributor15 Jan 2017, 1:29 am AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Hi guys disabling mail part, I m not going off grid

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor15 Jan 2017, 1:35 am AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Thanks for letting us know @darrenhayes ... a lot of forum users opt for only being notified when they're tagged, cos it can flood your inbox to receive everything.

That was very poetic what you wrote before ....

G'night.

I'm staying up for a while @Pepsimax, as I said to @utopia .... I am in Eurooe and on a different time zone.

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor15 Jan 2017, 1:50 am AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

On the contrary @utopia .... I find that hilarious ❣. I love the spirit of it ....

I don't have baby dragons for nuthin' .... they don't just get attitude from WH y'know .... 😂

Swearing is a poor form of language, but it is a communication none-the-less .... and it's a channel I have switched into more often during our WH saga than ever before, since boarding school that is .... there it was social currency.

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

utopiaSenior Contributor15 Jan 2017, 1:59 am AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Sorry @Faith-and-Hope that was just me putting assumptions onto you. Assuming because you are religious, you wouldn't like it. I should know by my age that I shouldn't assume anything.
Lol. Yes, I think our kids often get their strength and their gumption from us mums. When we have faced challenges, we change, to be able to cope better with them.
I have to say, I find you an inspiration with how you deal with what life has thrown at you. I can hear you saying ' well I have too - there's no other option'. But I'd like you to know that I think you do an amazing job keeping everything and everyone in your family together. You have strength. You remind me of my Aunty. She also has that strength. Maybe it's also her faith, like yours, that helps her.

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor15 Jan 2017, 2:33 am AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

My faith is my lifeline and the source of my strength @utopia .... I am in no doubt about that .... but our "brand" of faith is one where you don't preach .... that is considered the work of the priests, and you know where to go to find them .... lol .... our part as parishioners is in the doing, the living out of our faith .... the embodiment of it "in all weathers", and if we are busy in that task it tends to keep us out of mischief .... mostly .... 😏

Thank you .... I consider it the highest compliment you've paid me .... ❤️💕💐

People can live by the tenets of faith without even realising that that is what they are doing .... and it's all over these forums.

Love goes by many names, many faces, and the healing forces here are those .... compassion, empathy, a listening ear, patience, perseverance, understanding, kindness, self-management, obedience (to dr's instructions), humility (as in humbleness .... struggles are very good at bringing that about).

Its all faith, and faith is hope.

I wish you faith and hope .... 🤗❤️

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

utopiaSenior Contributor15 Jan 2017, 2:40 am AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

♥♥♥ @Faith-and-Hope

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember16 Jan 2017, 4:26 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

I'm feeling lost. Don't even know where to post this. I've come back from my session today and feel completely lost. I went into my session not in crisis for the first time in ages and told her to go for it while I was ok and she did but now I feel undone again and really really lost and mixed up. Things have happened today as well...really little things but things that are making me question who I am and where do I belong and if I belong anywhere. One of the things was a forum thing the rest real life crap. Having a strange time trying to hang on and work out how to just be and not self destruct.

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor16 Jan 2017, 4:36 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Breathe and distract @Former-Member .... these feelings are a temporary state and will disperse if you don't load them with any weight ....

The stuff that is causing the feelings to emerge needs to be spread out in the sun and left to dry for a little while cos it's compounded itself Ito a big soggy mess, and like this you can't see what is what.

Put it all down outside of you, grab the ball and get that dog out for a walk .... walk to a cafe and order something, even if you just ask for a glass of water ..... get your system pumping so you burn some of that adrenaline that is trying to head in the wrong direction.

And check in here .....

❤️💕

Keep your bouyancy .... ❣ Sorting it out is a job for beyind this minute and this day ....

Get moving @Former-Member ..... call your friend ... outrun the feelings of this moment.

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember16 Jan 2017, 4:49 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Im so confused about everything. Tomorrow is the day I have my psychiatrist appointment to work out medication. I've been off my antidepressants for two and a half weeks now. I think I've settled into what is me now but I don't know which way to turn with it. I'm more emotional and breaking down quicker and more foggy in my head but I'm scared to try a new one. And I'm really indecisive. And maybe I'm just whinging. I have no idea what I was hoping to achieve by posting this. I'm not at doing anything stupid stage yet. Just was winding up.

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