I am struggling at the moment

Hi @Former-Member .....

More patience Hon .... and please lock that alcohol away from yourself .... ❣. I know it's a humbling agent, but it's also a depressive one for you it seems ....

If you can do 😀😂😆😃😄 when you're out, you can learn to bring 😊😏🙂😌😔😴💤 back home ....

Just from an outside view, you seem to have a "tipping point" in the aftermath of socialising where you need strategies to bridge you past it. Is this something your team has identified ?

Maybe for now you need one of your friends to stay over with you after a social event so you can do a debrief with someone, and air all the thoughts and feelings before they have a chance to spiral internally ....

Maybe it will be helpful to book in a morning-after counselling session if you know this to be your weak point ....

We love you here, and are here for you .... you can do this @Former-Member .... baby steps .... it's great that you went out and had a great night .... ✅ .... and great that you're learning to accept hugs .... ✅ .... here's some from me .... 🤗❤️🤗❤️🤗❤️

Please "dry out" and then see how you feel .... ?

@Former-Member

Sounds like your inner child needs redirecting outside the aftermath of socialisation @Former-Member .... I am seeking something highly valuable in your posts here .... it's like a diarising of sorts, and it's helping to identify and isolate what is happening with you .... and that can lead to solutions ....

So proud of you ❣

It sounds like a very hurt little girl in there who is tantramising and eprebellious about your adult self having a good time (when she wasn't allowed to maybe ?)

I know you have said you don't have DID .... but maybe there is a bit of break-out of sub-personalities happening without a dissociation as such .... and I believe we all do that .... it's just that what you are experiencing is more extreme ... and I figure it's a "rebellious teen" reaction rather than inner child per se ....

If you can deal with the unresolved issues of this particular sub-personality, and I don't mean overnight, that might be your way through this reaction to over-reaction pattern ....

Hope I'm not over-stepping the mark here .... obviously not a trained psychologist ... just endeavouring to offer an observation. I have quickly grown to care about you deeply, and would love to see you conquer this. It is possible, and you need to believe this and get back up in your feet .... tip out the alcohol and don't buy any more ... please ? ... your kids love you and can surely accept that your home needs to be a dry zone until this part of you is healed.

🤗❤️🤗❤️🤗❤️

Hi @Former-Member

I just had to share a reflection

"I ask myself if i can forgive those who have done me harm to me"

"I ask myself if i can forgive me"

"I ask myself if i can love others"

"i ask myself if i can love me"

"But with so much suffering i ask myself is it possible"

"Just something to contemplate"

"I hope i make sense"

Thank you @Faith-and-Hope,

you know you were right on lots of accounts bar one. I desperately wanted to hit the alcohol but I didn't because I promised my son that I would take him to footy training tonight and I owe him. Possibly would have been a different cry for help then. During the last week I have learned loads about myself but there is so much more to go. I am finding it helpful too to post but scared as well. I am scared for two reasons. One I feel like a drama queen and two it reveals more about me and the freak that I am too and three it reveals what a non person I am....someone who has very little identity or substance. The truth is I really don't feel like I belong anywhere. Today was lunch out with the mental health psycho social group that I do mindfulness and fitness with. I was :pile_of_poo: scared as I don't really know anyone. I think I always portray someone I'm not. I don't intend to but I do. The reality is I was talking to two other women and it was the first real life conversations I'd had with anyone in a social situation about mental health and it went well mostly. But I had literally taken two steps outside the hotel (I didn't drink) and I started to think about how I didn't belong and how I was kidding myself that it was important to go. I did the same the other night with my friends. But the truth is I don't know how to be ok with any of it and don't know why.

I think I have enough hormones running through my system currently to bring down a small elephant which is not helping and I have 7 more days of it 😬

Thank you for your responses. I think I calmed a little once it was out. For me journaling this stuff doesn't help because I need feedback to be able to manage, change or deal with it. I am also still carrying all the emotion emotion and uncertainty from Sunday so it's beginning to build. I hope you are having a good day.

Yes you make sense @Happyness and yes I find it much easier to forgive everyone else easier than forgiving me. Thank you for sharing as it was a timely reminder. I hope today finds you well. 💜🤗

lol .. humour in the midst of melt down is a good sign @Former-Member.. tuck the tiara in the back pocket .. of your jeans .. or whatever ...

@Happyness made sense to me

congrats @Former-Member a year .. is big time ..

@Former-Member I think you definitely belong here .. you do the whole crazy zany thing ..

but also the nice caring spidy sensitive thing

Its finding ways of integrating it .. slowly .. gently with self honesty .. and you will get through.

maybe you are right not to take personal friendships and socialising too seriously right now .. but as mum to a horde of big kids you cant totally avoid as you are out & about in it ... you'll get more steady with bigger gaps between any SH incidents.

Sometimes I scare myself in the car too .. its the pace of life .. its not just you.

but bask in the sun if it shines ... YAY 30 hugs ... cos it might not repeat for a while .. it is what it is.

Isnt it amazing how with honest sharing we do feel strong positive feelings of affection@Former-Member

I just found a new way of channeling anger .. chopping up pumpkin .. for soup ...its great if it is functional and helps getting jobs done ... but it is also wearing .. and I have to lead my crook neck and head on my couch ... but YAY .. we now have couches in both communal rooms... mine's just a 2 seater .. but thats plenty for me.

Sorry @Former-Member I have to argue with you .. not a freak .. not a non person.

Bye bella .. gotta check the soup

Ditto @Former-Member @Appleblossom ❣

@Former-Member Is that because you don't feel comfortable with the people you are with and perhaps that triggers something in you- I am not sure?

I'm doing ok atm- I had my ultrasound today and it came back normal and hopefully get blood test results tomorrow. And next Friday going into for a sleep study, I am not sure if this is going to help at all?

Are you still awake?

I am trying to stay busy until my next appointment in just over two weeks.

I also did a pool swim today, and I swam 2kms-it actually made me feel better.