Making sense of everything

Sorry to make another thread....

Trigger warning ahead for hospital trauma stuff.

So I just got out of hospital yesterday and it was a pretty traumatic admission a lot of the first few days is kind of blurry I just remember being very scared, trying to run away and having a lot of times where the wardsmen came and restrained me while a nurse gave me an injection. They started me on some medication and I was pretty groggy for a while and then the last few days it was ok I guess I saw my psychiatrist today and they said I seemed a lot better and that I needed to stay on the medication and I asked how long and they said possibly forever but at least a year with no hospital admissions or issues and then we could talk about it. I asked them about the whole diagnosis thing because the hospital staff had been saying that they didn’t know and that they couldn’t figure it out but my psychiatrist said it was schizoaffective disorder and that that was now confirmed.

I am not sure how to feel now I guess the other beings I am not hearing as much as before and I am less scared that everyone is trying to hurt me and people look more like people but I still feel weird in general and don’t know what to think uni is starting back soon and I have enrolled for this semester so that may be a good distraction but I feel like my whole world has been shaken and everything just feels weird and I can’t remember all of what I was thinking before but I guess I just don’t know what to think now. But I am really having trouble with the medication thing I hate the idea of being on medication in general but this medication has some pretty bad side effects that can come up with long term use and idk I just feel like maybe it is all just like a lie. I know my psychiatrist and psychologist keep saying that I need medication and that I keep experiencing certain things because I have a mental illness but I just like I am not sure if I can’t accept it or idk I just feel like maybe I don’t and I am trying to believe them but I just can’t fully accept it deep down like maybe they are wrong.

Sorry this is getting long I just don’t know where to go from here and I feel like I have just been shaken up and spun around in a washing machine and then people want me to walk in a straight line when I am really dizzy. I don’t know how to make sense of everything.