Getting worse by the day, need your help

Hello!

My name is Pat, and I'm not sure what my problem is. Some Psychiatrists say I'm Bipolar, some say I'm just depressed and anxious, and one said I have adult adhd whatever that is. I've tried a number of Psychiatrists and medications in the past but none of them seem to have made a significant effect on me so if anyone here can point me to the right direction, then I'd be greatful for the rest of my life.

My current and main concern is anxiety and panic attacks. I always feel like something terrible is bound to happen, like I'm always worried, nervous, and having occassional palpitations. I can't remember a time when I woke up relaxed and happy, and I can't remember having a good sleep either. I'm in a really bad shape at the moment, and the pandemic anxiety and losing my job just brought me up to a whole new level. Sleep deprivation create other health issues. Last month I had to deal with painful boils for 2 weeks and now I have multiple toothaches that are killing me and I can't get them treated because of my hypergag reflex and panic.

I wasn't always like this though. I was born a very happy and optimistic child, from toddlerhood till prep school I had a very good disposition, always smiling, carefree, smart and friendly. My life changed when I started getting bullied at school and by some kids in the neighborhood. My childhood can be likened to awful bullying scenes in movies (or even worse). I was picked on a lot, publicly shamed(in front of hundreds of people), often hungry because my lunch money taken from me, physically and emotionally battered etc. The abuse was just downright terrible and depressing. To add insult to injury, I didn't have friends to lean on to, not even now. The bullying lasted until high school, then almost a decade later I got bullied again in the workplace, I think that kind of triggered the 'clinical' mental illness that I have right now which started me on medications and getting professional help.

I'm 40 now, and I feel like life has passed me by. I wished I had friends and did more things in my life. I wish I had more success, and a decent level of self esteem and dignity. I wish everything went differently. Does anyone think that at my age, I can still have a chance at happiness and normalcy or even success? I'm unemployed, poor (but not broke) no friends, and no one who understands me and I'm a minority(asian, not even the chinese kind).

What should I do now? Does anyone have a tried and tested method to recover? Know a good Psychiatrist?

Thanks in advance.