maulihuaCasual Contributor
Struggling with what life is throwing at me
Hi, basically my title says it all. I suffer from BPD, bipolar, CPTSD, plus the usual side effects that go hand in hand with these diagnoses, depression, anxiety etc etc. I’ve struggled for a long time now with suicide ideation and have had many attempts at taking my life. I have just lost my very best mate to suicide so now my issues and thoughts are even harder to contain. He was my lived experience support, we knew each other inside and out, as if we had grown up together. I feel like I’ve lost my world, my whole body is numb. Ive retreated to my home, even cancelling psych appointments, not answering my phone, i just cant talk to anyone at the moment, the grief is so strong. I’m looking for what I’ve lost and that was an ear to just hear me and sit with me. Now I’m not really sure why I’ve written this intro, i guess i just needed to cry out to the world and not feel alone.
I hear how much grief and despair you are feeling. I understand that counselling sessions have not met your needs in the past. However, if your thoughts around ending the pain and suicide become too intense, I genuinely recommend reaching out to a crisis service for emergency support (e.g. Lifeline, Suicide Call Back Service and 000). Unfortunately, the SANE Forums do not have the capacity to provide that kind of support. Nonetheless, you can of course keep chatting here and getting support from others who have been there. 
