Roaring Sielience

I sit here listining to the ringing in my ears, there is nothing else to fill them apart for the tapping of the computer keys. I am alone, always alone, as true as it is to say that you are never alone with schizophrenia, you are always alone with depression. A motor vehicle accident finished my working life, wife left, fourty four surgeries and twelve years later, I sit alone. No one wants to be matie with a disabled person, especially to a 58 year old male one. Kids grown up and moved on, I have a great relationship with them, when I see them. What is left in life for me, to sit alone? When your arms don't work well and a man cave is useless to you all that is left for excitement is to watch your finger nails grow and yes, I do that alone as well it makes for a very isolated existance indeed. I am so tired of putting on the happy face for everyone else but I can never put it on for me. I am so tired of crying, I am so tired of not being able to talk to some one, relate to some one, laugh with some one, love with some one and give respect to some one.

So what is left, I have done my job as a human, the meaning of life is to reproduce, once that has happened and you are again alone, the is no meaning any more.

Just sitting in sielence here, thinking.......