Borderline Personality Disorder

Hi, I've been diagnosed with a number of things, borderline being one of them. I have lots of friends and family who love me ... but it makes me feel like more of a failure and a burden because I'm not getting better. Everyone is telling me to put things like a job on hold and work on my mental health but the only thing I've ever wanted is to be able to function like a "normal adult". I know that everyone has their own issues and struggles and I understand that, but every time I see my friends going out and partying or travelling or moving up in their career, it makes me feel like such a failure because I'm not moving forward. I've read stories online about people with borderline who are able to have a somewhat normal life (have decent relationships, start a family, hold down a job etc), and for a second there's that glimpse of hope that perhaps I can too, but then the reality of how much I have to work through dawns on me and I get scared again.

Currently, I was just in a car accident (DUI) and although I wish I didn't survive, I am regretful of what I did and I'm scared that this has just created a harder path for me to have a future. I know I made a huge mistake and I'm not trying to excuse my actions but there has been so much going on in my family lately and on the morning of the accident, I got a call from my older sister who lives 8 hours away from me and is 27 weeks pregnant and she said she was going to commit suicide and it tipped me over the edge. I'm currently doing disability support work and learning support work and I wanted to be a nurse. I love helping others but now I feel like I'm never going to achieve my goals. I've been calling crisis lines every day since the accident because I'm suicidal and I'm trying so hard to make it through the next couple of days until my grandfather's funeral ... but after that I don't know how safe I'm going to be and I don't trust myself. I want to admit myself into a ward but at the same time I'm scared of doing that because that means I'll lose my job (because of taking time off) and I just feel so lost.