Hi there, I have been where you are, so hard, so alone, so hurtfull, so endless..... I don't know your surcumstances that lead to where you are at the moment, I don't need to know as the end result is the same. The mental hospital: knock down the stigma they say, yer lets all be happy and actepting about it, wrong, this is a nice notion but you are branded by many, some very close to you weather you like it or not. Who understands, havn't found any one yet. The wife and kids gone: it seems almost like a death in the family but you are not allowed to grieve as they, or the notion of them comes into your life now and then. You didn't stop loving them, yet you are the one paying pay the price. You are wondering whatyour kids are going to think about you, you fear what is being told to them about you, if it is correct or not. You have lost controll of your life, the direction of your life, the meaning of your life and the purpose of your life as all of this has been ripped away from you.
You have one huge adavantage, your kids are young and I would assume you are still in the first third or you life expectency, this gives you time to "trade out of, work around, plot a course". Youneed to remember that a farther is not a father because he was there for a short time, moreso a father is a father beause he takes the time time over many years to develope the relationship he would like to have with his children when they are adults. Start looking at life in blocks rather than day by day, yep easy to write, hard to implement it. Once you realise that the most important thing here is your kids and not the woman you probably still love you can see a path to follow while your kids gro up. Eventually, i would suspect some sort of visitation will be worked out wither by you both or a court, either way, this must happen for the benifit of your kids, not you or the mother. This is QUALITY time to be used to form a open acepting and understanding relationship between you and your daughters, BE HONEST to them. Remember this is a many year project whit each meeting contrubiting a tiny amount to the end result. Stick to it mate, over time all wounds will heal as the rawness of it all settles down. This may take years but while it is taking place, work on your relationship with your daughters so when they are able to fdrive, you will be their forst port of call. Everything you do for here on is to benifit you and your daughters. Look at the big picture (future) and let it consume the little picture (now). How to do all of this with the f****** depression is no easy feat and the only thing I can say is believe in yourself, slef talk is great. Tell yourself that you are going to make a great dad, you are goong to produce great adult children. After you tell yourself this, you will skoff at the notion and will do for some time, keep at it and you will overt time see that this is correct. Your daughters love you, I will repeat thet, your daughters love and always will. They will acept you always and the scurge of depression that haunghts you, because that IS you, the you they love. The big picture.......
