Partner Giving Up Due to BD/MDD

Hi @yellownut and welcome to the forums 👋

Its one of the hardest places to sit in, trying to help someone who can't seem to respond to you, can't seem to accept and appreciate your support. I have been there, for different reasons, and my situation didn't turn out the way I had wanted it to, for reasons that I couldn't see at the time but for which I am now grateful.

The thing with mental health issues is that they are a marathon, not a sprint, and resolutions need to be worked out across a long period of time. If that long period of time is one of rollercoastering events and emotions, and as carers our wagons are hitched to the one those we love are either in or driving, then we need a lot of support ourselves to be able to stay the course.

First of all I can't recommend self care enough to you. There needs to be a counterweight to the emotional suffering you are sitting with.

Secondly, the situation needs to be broken down into baby steps ..... aiming for a good day, then a good week ..... and until there is a stabilisation that is dependent on their ability to engage with recovery, you are really treading water at this stage.

Part of achieving some life balance for yourself, and keeping perspective, is developing some of your own interests and maintaining relationships with others - your own friends and fanmily for instance, as a reality check and to help fortify you against carers burnout, which is a real thing.

Having the forum members here to walk along with you in the struggles can be invaluable. There is a lot that doesn't need to be explained, owing to shared experience, even if it's not exactly the same.

Thinking of you and wishing you an okay day.

@Faith-and-Hope I cannot begin to explain how much your words have calmed my anxieties. I will most definitely try to break down the days with him, I believe that will be valuable to the both of us. I have booked in to see a counsellor so that my emotional needs are met. I have a lot of support for myself from my family and friends but not so much for my relationship which becomes difficult. No one from my friends and family have never experienced what it is like to be with someone who has mental disorders and my parents carry strong European values and to them depression and anxiety is almost a myth so the only sound advice I get is to leave the relationship which prevents me from reaching out for support.

At the moment his manic episodes last between 2 weeks to a month and we have relative peace for about 2 months but he is beginning to see a therapist again and I wanted to ask you if in your experience, you saw more stability with professional help involved? I know the situation varies from person to person - it just feels like we will be riding in this instability forever.

Hi @yellownut

iI am glad my suggestions have helped you, and I am sure support will make a difference to the one you love.

Unfortunately my now estranged husband was not able to admit to being unwell, and being from a European background doesn't help in his case either. His whole family continue to support his behaviours that have now ended our marriage and family, and he took up with someone new before leaving me, which I have learned since is all part of his cycles.

Even the illness I thought he had is a symptom of an underlying condition that drives it, but apparently too, even if they seek treatment, owing to the nature of that underlying condition (a personality disorder) it rarely ever results in improvements which are temporary at best. They quickly revert back to their base pattern if their incentives change.

Two of our adult kids are struggling with anxiety and depression, and it took a therapist supporting one of them to get through to their father that the condition is real, and he needed to get with the support and recovery program.

I have had the amazing support of my forum family for the last four years now as I tried everything I knew how to make sense of our situation, and they are helping me now as I try to sort out the pieces and get beyond my new battleground - the separation from someone really damaging and destructive, now that he has dropped his mask and shown his true colours.

Whatever happens for you we are here in support of you, and baby steps are best ..... so glad your mr is seeking treatment. I am confident my kids will recover.

@Faith-and-Hope I am sorry to hear that your situation had not improved. I believe that your children are so fortunate to have a parent such as yourself; someone who is understanding and nurturing as you are. I will never be able to completely understand the hardships that you have experienced but I truly believe that we can all overcome our challenges by immersing ourselves with like-minded people - this is one of the reasons why I joined this forum to begin with. I hope that your children recover quickly and that you too find peace in yourself.

I am so appreciative of the words of comfort and knowledge that you have shared with me and I am thankful for how open you are about your own experiences. It truly helps to know that there are people who can understand me and my situation especially when I have felt alone in this for a long time.

Thank you, I look forward to speaking with more people here but I am eternally grateful that you were the first to reach out.

🌷 @yellownut .... you are welcome. I received the same caring support when I first arrived on the forums and ever since.