Hi All

hello @Fallen1 and welcome to the forum

letting you know that you are not alone my friend

@Determined, @Naynay88 , @Andrew1 , @znp , @Jojo30 , @Janey1 , @BPDSurvivor , @outlander ,

Hello @Shaz51 & thank you for the warm welcome, I really do appreciate your support!

I've done a lot of research on BPD to try to educate myself. I want nothing more than to support him but I am aware that I have hit my limit and I am broken.

I am exhausted, and feel guilty right now for thinking that I couldn't possibly endure years more of endless instability in our relationship.

I also extend my greetings to you @Fallen1 .

Also, thanks @Shaz51 for tagging me - hugely and muchly appreciated.

I do have to say that everything you are feeling is totally valid @Fallen1 . Borderlines (pwBPD) can be very very draining - to the point of leeching. But in themselves, they are a tangled ball of thread waiting for someone to help untangle them. I can say this with certainty because I have been wearing this BPD label for well-over 15 years.

'We' (pwBPD) don't want to hurt you. We are such a mess inside that we crave your stability. We are emotional babies trapped in adult bodies. We struggle to regulate our emotions and tell you what is wrong. Many times, to rid ourselves of emotional pain, we turn to harmful actions towards ourselves and this in turn hurts others. Deep down, we love you, care for you and don't want to see you leave us. We feel you are the only thing that can keep us stable. We are lost when we don't know where you are or what you are thinking in your mind and this can make us jump to conclusions - causing friction between us. We are always waiting for you to talk to us, to help us out of our pain. We don't choose to be like this. We don't choose to live in emotional torment. We don't choose to have third-degree burns to our emotional being. We want to be independent. We want to thrive and function effectively in this world....but we need boundaries. We need people to care enough to stand with these boundaries. We need people to communicate with us so we don't make assumptions. If you are going somewhere, tell us. Please don't sneak away. This will be the end of us. Talking therapy is what will help us. Medication can alleviate symptoms of depression and anxiety, but open communication is what will win is over.

Dear @Fallen1 , I totally feel your anguish. Please be patient. Seek help for yourself and your partner. It takes time to untangle a knotted ball of thread, but the relief and joy you will have when the thread is untangled is amazing. I've proved it.

My thoughts and hugs be with you,

BPDSurvivor

hello @Fallen1 , sending you understanding hugs as my husband has had MI all his life and has had many different diagnosis , I have felt exhausted, and have felt guilty too

keep on keeping on my friend and remember you as well , we all need self care as well

and we are here for you xx

Thank you it means a lot, I needed to hear that @Shaz51 @outlander @BPDSurvivor

@BPDSurvivor thank you for your raw honesty its admirable. As confronting as it was to read, it is great to have such an open perspective from one living with the disorder

I look forward to getting to know you all and your stories

A

Please continue to reach out @Fallen1 . A community network is so important to help you stay afloat.

Feel free to ask me any questions about BPD or my experiences.

I want people to know there is light at the end of the tunnel and it is the dedication and love from people like you who will get us through.

Hugs,

BPDSurvivor

Thank you @BPDSurvivor I appreciate your support very much.

We make little progress only to take 10 steps back in a consistent cycle. It's very draining. @BPDSurvivor Do you ever really "untangle the thread" or with acceptance and commitment to change, do you/we learn to live more functionally?

He is by no means an inherently a bad person, but alot of the time I am questioning his love for me as it extremely difficult for myself to not take things said and done to heart.

A

Hi @Fallen1 ,

The thread is definitely loosened. I don't believe it can be fully untangled, but it is more than just learning to live more functionally. Then again, what does completely loosened thread look like? Is that what we label 'normal'? And if so, what is 'normal'? I believe everybody's life has twists, turns and knots. Where BPD differs is that the more a borderline tries to untangle themselves, the knottier they get. It takes specialised talking therapy, along with a close support group (including you) who just need to be 'there'. I think being close to a person with BPD makes it harder to provide the 'therapy', hence an external person would be better.

@Fallen1 , set those strong boundaries. It may really hurt you to be consistent with those boundaries and consequences, but it helps us feel safe because we know what to expect. Much of what he is doing most likely is not intended to hurt you - it is more like he is trying to find himself in amongst his feelings, impulses and emotions. At the height of things, I suggest giving him space. Trying to reason with him at the height of emotion will wear you out and probably be of no benefit to him.

Hang in there my friend. I have been through this part of the journey. I am not 'untangled', but I sure do appreciate my life as a borderline. I can look back on my journey and see the immense growth and change. This is truely rewarding. Whether it is BPD or not, life has its ups and downs. Don't let a label make you stop seeing the real person inside him.

Hugs xxxooo

BPDSurvivor