SMH72Casual Contributor
Destroyed
It's been such a hard and unsteady life not only for myself but my children! I've lived through what most endure. So I know I'm not alone. But sadly I am alone in my own mind, trying to figure out why and what I can do to bring the happiness back. I have a gorgeous partner who is suffering as well as he sees me suffering. So today, after three days of trying to get my heart back in to rythm due to anxiety and panic and feeling of let down, just 4 days ago my gorgeous partner and I sat and had lunch feeling averagely good, chatting away, he was also on the phone to his parents. I instantly had a heart beat increase. Horrible to the point the pulsation in my neck was making my neck jiggle I could see the pulsation and how fast it was. I sat drank water and deep steady breathe. This has happened on many occasions, sometimes with chest pain. Always been checked. I'm starting to feel like a hypochondriac. I've had and still have a lot of upsets in my life. It's a never ending cycle. But in my self I know I have to let it go, but it's not something that can be just let go. I feel like a complete failure but I know I'm not. But when treated this way it tends to stick. I don't know if anyone can help me. I feel like a complete embarrassment going to the doctor with a heart rate of 138 and belting out my life story in short form. Then at 48 telling them not to call my mother. But there was method in my madness in saying this as she is unwell and I had to take there fur baby the next day to be put to sleep due to old age and pain. I don't know what I did in my past life but it's punishing me now. No tablet can fix that.
