Completely Lost

Hi there @Eden1919

I am reading your post with a lot of concern. It sounds as if you are in a bad place and may be at some risk to your own safety at the moment. Are you able to keep yourself safe Eden? You do have an enormous amount of strength. Please reach out off the forums for support if you need help. And if you are in a crisis ring 000.

We are all wishing that you can find some rest and respite soon.

Whitehawk

@jem80 Thank you.

@Former-Member I think I can stay safe I am trying really hard too and I don’t have any plans to hurt myself I am just very agitated and everything feels very out of control. But there are “people” home with me at the moment so I should be ok I think. I don’t know I still have some ‘medication’ left from when I was in hospital before but idk if taking it would make things worse I am not even sure if I could take it. I don’t know I am just feeling very weird. I am sorry I didn’t mean to worry anyone.

@Eden1919 @Former-Member

I understanfrom my own experiences how overwhelming things are for when you have been released from hospital. It takes time to learn not to be overwhelmed by having lots of people or a high stimulus environment around you. From your posts I get you feeling weird, I have felt a type of weirdness myself once coming out of hospital. Please take your medications as it will help. If you do feel the need for extra care please contact your Crisis Assessment Treatment Team (CATT) or psychiatric assessment team (PET) if you need assistance with medication or care and as @Former-Member mentioned if you do need to dial 000 I hope that your previous hospital experience doesn't deter you from seeking the help if you need it.

We are all hear for you if you need support, write endlessly on this forum to help you make sense of your thoughts

@jem80 Thanks, I have had a lot of trouble with the CATT team and crisis services as well as the hospital and frankly I am too scared to go back. I struggle to talk a lot of the time and they just get frustrated or start making assumptions and it never ends well. I don’t even know what to write about anymore I feel like everything is spinning and my head is too muddled to know where to start I am so agitated and I feel like all the demon people are just sitting laughing at me behind my back because they know I can’t escape from them and I don’t know I am just feeling really not good.

@Eden1919

I understand you would be afraid to go back, however they can help. Can you draw maybe simple faces to explain how you feel and maybe just write one word for a start instead of a whole sentence to help you with the muddleness. Then perhaps slowly extend from that?

It's hard when you feel like you can't escape. Is there anything that would help with your agitation?

Anything that helps keeps you calm?

Perhaps a cup of tea, maybe wrapping yourself up in a blanket or doona.

@jem80 But they didn’t help the last 4/5 times... I tried to write them notes before and they wouldn’t even bother reading them. I am not sure what would help nothing has been helping lately with the agitation. I am trying to just watch Netflix and am on the couch with a blanket but idk everything is just getting too much. I mean I am ok for now but the late night early morning period is the hardest and that is coming up.

@Eden1919

Would it help if you wrote in a personal journal? Not for anyone to see but perhaps to help you with your thoughts?

Its not right that they didn't listen to you. You should be heard.

Its good that you're watching Netflix. Sometimes in the early hours if sleep isn't happening you could sit or lie in bed and maybe if you have YouTube on your mobile you could listen to some relaxing music to help you fall asleep.

I hope this helps.

@jem80 It might not be right but they don’t care. I do have a personal journal but I am having trouble writing in it and I don’t know why.

@Eden1919

When I started a journal rather than write, I glued pictures and drew symbols and lines. I found that very therapeutic. Perhaps try and find things that express what you feel without having to write them.

@Eden1919

Sorry for the late reply, I have been away for a few days and missed your message.

When I first signed up on Sane, my first post was on "Hearing Voices" so I understand what you went through. For me, it began in Aug 2017 as an attack from a complete stranger. It ended up with me traumatised with hallucinations and voices. After a long struggle to the point of being close to death due to multiple seizures and fainting several times a day, I somehow pulled myself through.

I realised I would be at my worst when I was just spending the whole day at home doing nothing, the voices would somehow overcome me and become the focal point. It dragged out from the point when I wake up from sleep and would go on and on uncontrollably until I chose to sleep through it.

I have tried journalling, seeing a neurologist, talking to psychologist, hypnotherapy and even going to religious places and seeking help from psychics, but nothing works. I saw the spirits too, in fact the person who attacked me even told me it was bad witchcraft from the beginning, but I have no clue of what it meant. I would hear the voices of people around me in my dream state only to have them say the exact same thing later. But I always know it was wrong and I have to stop this regardless.

What helps me is by focusing on being active every single day. I will have a routine walk/run in the park to breathe fresh air and soak in the sun. I enjoy my work in the arts too, but working from home on my own doesn't help with the voices taunting me while I worked, so I would often intentionally choose to meet clients onsite. I have always thought a job as a cashier would have been a good distraction to subdue the voices. You don't have to think much but need to focus on communicating with customers at all time. Not sure if this is for you, but for me, talking to others continuosly for long period of time would silent the voices in my head. It doesn't have to be conversing about the trauma as you will end up reliving it. Just anything else as a distratcion.

Singing also helps but I would later have random music on my head replacing the voices which I found annoying. Being out and about helps to be in my body instead of just in my head letting the voice take over. I was physically very weak initially, but would slowly build up my stamina through exercise.

Overtime I got stronger and would be able to take up more activities. The busier I got the lesser voice I would hear. The most difficult ones to manage would be the nightmares and voices I would hear as I was about to wake up. I would sometimes get pushed into a sitting position while in a dream state saying random words which would later come true. I would think this as sleep paralysis or spirit interference.

To be honest, I hope I have passed through NDE (Near Death Experience) moment and moving towards healing. The voices have become more controllable and I hope I would be healthy again.

This is just my experience and way of dealing with my health issues. It is not the generic one as prescribed by GPs or psychologist. I trialled and error for a few years before getting there. I hope you will be able to get well too!