Izzy’s Mood Tunes

My heart has been aching for a dear friend who lost someone very special to her recently. I am

feeling really selfish for not sending her a message (I am going to do that next though) because it has brought your death ten fold. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you it's been a very long nine years here without you.

The last time we spoke was on Valentine's Day when you called that night, I said hello gorgeous and you replied "Don't you love me anymore" I was having such a shi**ie day I had forgot to send you your valentine message. Three weeks later you where gone. I don't know when it gets easier, they say it takes time! I don't think there will be a time when I think of your passing and my heart doesn't shatter like it was yesterday.

I miss you so very much my tiny dancer. You will always be in my heart, so till we meet again I will miss every moment we could have had together, every cuppa, every smoke, every argument, every dam tennis game, every laugh, every hug, every moment of safety I felt when you where by my side. Love you so very much.

https://youtu.be/Al8UHnjusq0

"WARNING THIS SONG MAYBE TRIGGERING"

I am struggling so bad. The lyrics of this song basically sums it up.
https://youtu.be/AddQu2hxp2Y

I am breaking all the rules being on here today but I don't care anymore. Today I feel like my counsellor attacked me (with her words) and the safe feeling/space I have had with her is gone. I don't know where to turn.

https://youtu.be/SryCbYm7MW0

There is nothing left for me to give you anymore. Struggling to just breathe, everyday day is so exhausting. Trying to decide what mask to put on for the day depending on that days events is exhausting, people coming over unexpectedly and staying for hours even though they are aware that this can no longer happen is exhausting. I can't even prepare dinner without have several breaks. I mean how hard is it to peel veggies and put them in water???

I have just realised that if I got in my car right now and left the people in my house right now wouldn't even noticed until they wanted dinner.

When will this end, it really doesn't matter to me how it ends anymore with life or death but this way of living isn't really living.

@Former-Member

I can hear that things are feeling really tough right now. I'm sending you an email to check in with you around your safety.

Please remember that Lifeline and the Suicide Callback Service are both free 24 hr services that offer a safe space in which to receive some professional support at any time.

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling

Ochre.

There is not even a song to describe how I am

feeling today. You say it's only 7 in the morning how bad can it be!!! Not enough sleep, health issues playing up, nightmares when I was asleep, missing my son and worried about his MH and safety, missing someone so much there are no words. All that before 7 am. I am struggling to keep the monster away and well we all know how the thoughts can get intense. The whole brave face thing is not going to happen today I have no energy for that. I wish there was another way out, I wish there was something else I could do to shift some of these thoughts, its seems that following through would be the thing to do, but don't worry I am too gutless do try.

https://youtu.be/mTtucss80tc

Bad day

There has been a few time this week I could have,

but didn't because of the rules we follow

There was a couple of times I thought F the rules,

but the thought of it not working and then getting in trouble

I am ashamed of how often this week I have thought that it was time to me my maker, I had all buy one of my goodbyes written except but one amd that one I could write the pain and anguish that it would have caused I couldn't do that

Hi Dizzyizzy,

I am sorry to hear that you've had a difficult week.

I have sent you an email to check in.

Have you spoken to anyone about what you're experiencing apart from on the forums?

Warm regards,

tropicalsun