KirelionNew Contributor
Hello there
Well, I heard about this site on the radio this afternoon and thought that I would check it out. I guess that I have suffered from mental health issues for the majority of my life, but it has only been in the last couple of years that I have attempted to do something about it. I am a very shy, intorverted person who feels most of the time that I am useless and worthless, but I am very good at disgsusing that in my professional life, but on a personal level, well lets just say I am the complete opposite.
I often feel that the world would be a better place if I was not here and that people would not even notice that I was not around. But, I would also like to say that I would never hurt myself, it just overwhelming feelings that I get sometimes. I take medication and that helps, it levels things out a bit, but still you get those niggling feelings all the time. A recent discussion with my Dr was around the fact that more medication wont help, that maybe cognitive therapy and trying to get involved in things would help. So off to the counsellor I have gone. I enjoy chatting to them about my issues and I can see where I may be able to improve, but I have learnt from years of experiecne that I am able to give people the answers that they want to hear, but then I do nothing about it and my routine of isolation and withdrawal continues. I was bullied at school for being different, I find it extremely difficult to talk to people I do not know and I will be the one sitting in the corner at a gathering not talking to anyone with the look on my face saying do not come near me. These ar things that I would love to change but are they now so ingrained into who I am that I will never be able to change.
It is very hard sometimes. I am told that I should not sit in my bedroom alone, I am told that I need to socailsie more, I am told that I should not accept invitations from friends (which by the way is 1 friend) but then cancel at the last minute because 'something has come up', but I do it. It seems like I am taking the easy way out, but I feel secure in my room, I like to avoid going out because I feel awkward most of the time, I think that people are always judging me and making assumptions about me, I feel that life is far to complicated.
These are only some of my issues, I have many, but like so many of us, I am just looking to chat with like minded people who understand what it is to live with mental health issues.
Have a great evening.
