Schizoaffective and co-parenting?

Hey there @Trish1,

I'm one of the moderators, I've moved your post to it's own thread where people can jump in and reply. The 'Introduce yourself here' tends to be more for quick hellos. I've put a title for your thread so members can find it easily, but please change it to something of your choice. You can do this by going to the top right of your post 'post options' and then 'edit'.

I can only imagine how hard it has been separating from your ex-husband and getting a sense of safety and stability for you and your daughter, and now this news must feel so disruptive to that. I hope you get lots of support here. Do you have support offline too? 🌻

@Trish1 Hi Trish1 and welcome to the forums. Yes schizoaffective disorder would do that to a person I should know that is my diagnosis. I am well medicated these days thank god which is my next question is your ex taking his medication? regularly seeing his psychiatrist? I suppose there is no way for you to know .... I feel in my gut which is generally right that your concerns are valid and that this will have to be played out in the courtroom. Are you eligable for legal aid? if not can someone help you if this will end up being a financial burden for you. It is a terrible situation for you to be in ..... please keep in touch and let us know how you are going. Hopefully some other person on the forums with more knowledge of these types of processes will be able to help. Take care. greenpea

Thank you for your response. I am not able to get legal aid. I have legal representation but it’s been impossible to make any joint decisions. They change and depending the week he is having, he can’t really stick to plans. Yes it’s something a courtroom will have to play out and hopefully put my daughters safely first and help me ensure she can maintain a relationship with him in a safe way.

Hi Greenpea.

He was medicated while we lived together and took it. Its was hard work to get him to a GP and also psychiatrist. He was on very high medication but still had major ups and down and new fixed beliefs and so angry at me. He was not always like this and some weeks is completely back to himself. He went off meds when I left and had told his psychiatrist he feels great, so she allowed him to come off and now put him

into remission saying he was likely to relapse but he is still "odd" I guess I can put it? Says weird things and make no real difference being on those meds? It's so hard to understand. He has no family help without me there but I couldn't stay. How long does "in remission" last? What triggers it? No one has event exlAined the diagnosis to me or the condition. I find we had terrible advise and help.

@Trish1 Hi Trish1 from my experience and I can only speak for myself it takes months to come back to 'normal' (for me it was a few of years!) after my original diagnosis. The more times someone comes off the medications the more damage done is what my psychiatrist once told me. Basically schizoaffective disorder is schizophrenia with a mood disorder along with it. Similar to bipolar I but there is a crucial difference, which I can never remember as it is so confusing lol. It made me aggressive and my moods swing like your ex and the thing is he will not be aware of what is happening most of the time because he will most probably be delusional or hallucinating. He most probably wont remember it either for years to come if at all. In all honesty the way you have visitation set up now, I believe, should stay for the foreseeable future until he has proven himself to be stable and consistantly on his meds imho.

Heads up if you would like to talk to me or anyone else put a @ in front of their name and they will recieve a notification of your post. Take care. greenpeaxx

@Bunniekins

thank you so much for opening up. It can't be easy. For an outsider or for the person unwell.

he doesn't see any of it and it's why it's hard to stay with someone who is emotionally dead, treats me like a no one and won't talk or help or parent but expects after horrible accusations for me to sleep in the same bed as him? He couldn't catch on to social queues . Then the next day would be back to his normal self. And that may last for a week or even month. Then I would see signs to know something was about to happen, he was thinking and becoming more paranoid about me. Does this completely stop? Like I said, on meds and off meds really made no difference other than his "drowsiness".

I would keep my daughter in the supervised centre for her safety and his complete lack of insightful the illness. But, court may see things differently and every illnesses and person is different. His anger and mood swings are what scare me. They are out of no where and over things that's haven't happened. He never used to be like this. He wouldn't even raise his voice before all this.

Now Because I don't live with him or see him (no contact DVO) I can't see how he is and I got pretty used to being able to look at him & listen to know what type of mood he was in or what was coming.

His fixed beliefs (almost All) are all sexual based. (Sorry to tell u these) As my original post I have been accused of horrible things. I got to the point I thought maybe I had something wrong me with, that these happened and I was so traumatised I forgot. He told me how it was all me and I would do eveything to prove to him he could trust me and I was loyal for him to love and believe me. Keep out family together. He has said odd things about our daughter as well, very inappropriate, he used to come into our room in the middle of the night and creep around to check on us...His anger bursts at our daughter would frighten her and me, Sometimes physically harming her.... what if this changes by order. What can i do for her? I am steuggeling with the unknown and fear!!!

I am now on meds for anxiety but find they make so difference to my stress levels other than I can sleep well at night.

he has a large family and I would tell them what he was saying. Their reply to his fixed beliefs all matched something that Happend in their family. (Parents having other partners, one of his sisters, raped, another something happened to as a child..) When I asked about being possibility of him ha omg repressed memories and maybe happeneing to him as a kid, they said "I don't know" or wouldn't answer me. Or maybe this all happened to me and I need to be nicer to him? He has a sister with schizophrenia, another so th bipolar. Not 1 of his 5 sisters or 1 brother are married & each struggle to have partners. Could something have happened? Or am I paranoid? His gp and psychiatrist won't tell me anything, they never did for th e last 3 years, not even what he was being treated for, if I was safe, even being his full time and o my career.

will he stay stable now living on his own , off meds and keeping his thoughts to himself? Will he relapse? Will it be worse or just the same as all other years ? Who do I speak to? (Sorry in advance for the q's and venting) but thanks for the response

Hi @Former-Member how do I start a new thread?

Hey @Kellyil

Tortoiseshell is offline at the moment but I am happy to help you out. In order to create a new thread, choose the section you would like your thread to appear on for example "Our stories" or "Something's not right". Next, click the "New discusson" button.