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unsure where to get help?

Unknown userMember18 July 2016, 5:14 pm AEST

unsure where to get help?

I have written previously my son was diagnosed with high anxiety, & ptsd. He is only in primary. His fortnightly visits to his father is proving problems big time. Tonight he had a meltdown after I would not let him buy games for computer. He started to throwvtjings at me, pushed me into the bin & splashed water in my face. My younger don told me dad says horrible things about you to him & wants to cause harm to my new partner. Is there help through schools on this? It made me cry that my son wanted to hurt me. I have dealt with a lot trying to help him, but with no luck. I don't know what to do. I don't want him turning out to be abusive like his father.It upset my two other children to see him trying to hurt me. These visits are clearly a problem. The law sends kids to violence time & again. I feel without support on this when I've tried so much.

5 replies

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In response to: unsure where to get help?

pipSenior Contributor18 July 2016, 5:20 pm AEST

Re: unsure where to get help?

Hi leia. I would firstly consider talking to your lawyer (if you have one). Then contact your Dr and tell him/her the problem. If you have enough proof your children's time with their father is proving detrimental, the visits can be limited to a couple of hours, supervised. You would need to enlist the help of a child psychologist as well as any abuse reported from the father to either you or the children. Perhaps contact the school and talk to the counsellor there.

In response to: unsure where to get help?

Unknown userMember18 July 2016, 5:42 pm AEST

Re: unsure where to get help?

Thanks @ pip. I have asked the school help but they are not knowledgeable of D.V. I will approach it again & go back to my lawyer. I will try source a psychologist. It's becoming really disturbing. I left this man 5 years ago. He is seriously ill. It's been an incredibly long road. It really made me cry that it's never getting better. I understand his anxiety. I try & explain his dad's inappropriate behavior but he won't listen. I don't give up, but it just threw me. To feel so dis-empowered whilst my little boy abuses me.😞

In response to: Re: unsure where to get help?

pipSenior Contributor18 July 2016, 8:31 pm AEST

Re: unsure where to get help?

Hi leia. Trying to explain any sort of mental illness to young children is like trying to speak in a foreign language. Rather like telling people who have no idea about mental health issues. Some people will no doubt even advise you to give your son a spanking. Your sons behavioural issues are extremely disturbing and you need guidance on how best to cope with it. I would say, it's possible your son could be blaming you for his dad's leaving, possibly also blaming himself. Have you tried sitting with your son and encouraging him to talk about his dad. Tell him his dad loves him but his illness prevents him from being there with him. Your son could be really scared that he'll never see his dad again. Because he doesn't know how to tell you how he feels, he lashes out.

In response to: unsure where to get help?

Unknown userMember18 July 2016, 10:03 pm AEST

Re: unsure where to get help?

Hi @ pip. That's a good point. I will try & explain it like that. I know it's not my fault. I deal as best I know at the time to help my son. I am tired tonight of the school failing to fully understand, to feel in the end it's my fault the relationship I have with my son. I am gentle but it's hard to know the right language 100% of the time to explain what's going on. I've always held the thought that you can hurt me, but not my children. I thought I was protecting him early on but he would have felt through me no matter how high I held myself up. Thank goodness there is this forum of people who do understand what I am living through. My partner & I have thought if the school can't hep we will change. I guess General consensus though is that this happens far too often for the system to know how to deal with it. A' he' said, 'she' said environment.!Only thing some are really crying for help. The system is not fair & just. Oh well. Tomorrow I start again. 😊

In response to: Re: unsure where to get help?

Unknown userMember18 July 2016, 10:46 pm AEST

Re: unsure where to get help?

Hi @Former-Member,

ive read a few of your posts so I have a bit of an idea of what is going on for you and I'm sorry you are having a rough time. It is so hard watching our kids suffer and not be able to fix it ( mine is different to yours)

I recently had to ring the school counsellor as my 16 year old is not his normal self for a variety of reasons but I think my MI has been impacting him as I have been becoming more unwell. After taking advice from others I just told them exactly what was going on which was really hard as I was very honest and it was quite shameful. The result, but it did take over a week, is that they have spoken to my son and are putting things in place to support him which I am thankful for. They really thought outside the box with some ideas too.

My other suggestion is to ring the parenting helpline to see what resources they offer or headspace as I'm sure they would have support or know resources for kids of DV. Im not sure too what DV services are in your state but they may be worth a call to find services for your kids too. I can't imagine how tough it is to go through this but I'm thinking of you and hoping you can find some support for such a difficult situation. 💜💐

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