Anon4Senior Contributor
Relationships and problems
Hello!
I'm so stuck that it's a source of amusement. Perhaps others are similarly stuck. My experience is my own, but if you see similarities to your own circumstance and gain a laugh, then that's good. Or a worry. Take your pick.
The relationships in my life I feel most nourished by are invariably pathological: be my mum or forget it. It never occurred to me that others might care about me as an equal who has value, and me forcing them into the box that fits my perceived needs might be painful and confusing for them, and ultimately destructive of the relationship.
So now I have to find a way to cut that out and try for normal person relationships. The thought freaks me out. I'd rather be in agony and comforted than actually happy and healthy, thanks. Gross.
Being alone is a non-option.
So, my options are to keep hurting people, freak out more than I can bear, or freak out more than I can bear. All while every marketing paraphernalia on mental health screams "talk about your problems!", when my exact problem is that I am so anxious about not having problems to draw the mother-figures in that that becomes the problem I can draw them in with while clothing it in newer and sympathetic clothing in my mind to make it more palatable.
I dunno, man. I feel like there needs to be a corner of the mental health paradigm that encourages shutting the hell up about your problems if you're someone who pathologically cannot seem to function without them.
