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Older teenager with Depression, and I am not coping so well

wendybeaCasual Contributor29 May 2020, 1:54 am AEST

Older teenager with Depression, and I am not coping so well

I have a 18 year old with possible depression who has been seeing a doctor for about 6 months and is trying out anti-depressants (on her second lot and likely to go onto a third as they are not working either). She has gone to the doctor herself, and I am proud of her. But wow it has been quite a ride for me and sometimes when her mood is very low she can go into such a dark place. I feel so bad for her. I feel like nothing I do is right. She will pick on me non stop and when I ask her to stop, she will say I am being mean to her. Then she will say I have hurt her feelings and she will go on and on until I am in tears and begging her to forgive me, because I just want it to stop - even though she was at me all day. Then she is fine. Happy again. And I am left numb and so exausted by the hours of it that I can barely move. It sounds crazy, I keep trying not to fall into it - I cant tell if she does it intentinally or not. I am generally a happy person and I am working. But she brings me to tears almost every night. . I feel so crap, I just dont want to go through this anymore. It just seems a slap in the face that once I have been completely emotionally destroyed by her, she perks up again. I think we will eventually discover that it is more than depression. I don't know what. She isn't volatile or agressive, self harming, or harming me or anything like that. I know she struggles to get up out of bed each day. She struggles to find energy for anything, but she still gets up and does her studies. And if what she makes me feel is just a touch on what she is feeling, I feel just awful for her. But she really goes at me.

Anyway, I've come to the conclusion I need someone to talk to about this. I can't just go on like this. I have recently been diagnosed with a heart condition. I want to be allowed to be happy in my life. But maybe that isn't how it is. Maybe I need to accept this is how it will be with a mentally ill teen. In which case, I need to learn to protect myself (emotionally) and how to not get pulled into her darkness. I am in Perth. Is there anyone I can call?

7 replies

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In response to: Older teenager with Depression, and I am not coping so well

jazzSenior Contributor29 May 2020, 1:58 am AEST

Re: Older teenager with Depression, and I am not coping so well

hi that sounds horrible for you. you can contact beyond blue, if you google beyond blue then you can look at what servcies they have available. all the best

In response to: Older teenager with Depression, and I am not coping so well

jazzSenior Contributor29 May 2020, 1:59 am AEST

Re: Older teenager with Depression, and I am not coping so well

oh and I forgot to say welcome to the forums. you will find some great support here, well done for reaching out. can anyone relate?

In response to: Older teenager with Depression, and I am not coping so well

Mikey02Casual Contributor29 May 2020, 8:03 pm AEST

Re: Older teenager with Depression, and I am not coping so well

Welcome @wendybea
We have a daughter with BPD. Over the past few months I’ve had to do some deep reflection. Now I am by no means qualified to give advice but what I have learned is

You’re not alone in this.
Your daughters behaviour is not who she is. That’s the mental illness talking. She’s still the loving little kid that you raised.
To help her you need to help yourself first.
And a tough one. Try to take the emotion out.
Support not pity is her friend

A book called stop walking on eggshells gave me a lot of food for thought and spectrum has a 24 hour telephone counselling service for family members

Also your daughter has reached out for help. That’s huge. If she’s open to it i can’t recommend counselling enough

I hope this helps
Riding the roller caster with you
@Mikey02

In response to: Older teenager with Depression, and I am not coping so well

Unknown userMember05 June 2020, 11:20 am AEST

Re: Older teenager with Depression, and I am not coping so well

Hey @wendybea,

I'm really sorry to hear your daughter is so distressed, but also about the behaviour you experience from her. I'm glad you're reaching out for more support. How are you travelling now?

Also a few more numbers to talk about extra support for you:

SANE Help Centre (mental health helpline): 1800 187 263 and webchat

Carer Gateway: 1800 422 737

Take care 🌻

In response to: Re: Older teenager with Depression, and I am not coping so well

wendybeaCasual Contributor05 June 2020, 5:47 pm AEST

Re: Older teenager with Depression, and I am not coping so well

We are getting there. I think we realise now that she was ruminating every evening (and usually I am the safe person who gets ruminated about - and then 'attacked'). I'm worn out. I try to defend myself by talking rationally, when I should walk away. So now I will just tell her I think she might be ruminating. I know they say, misery loves company. But I don't want to be dragged into it on a nightly basis. It brings me down. It makes me tired and sometimes I can't work as I am shellshocked from it all. Thanks for the advice and asking if I am okay to the couple of people who messaged me.

In response to: Re: Older teenager with Depression, and I am not coping so well

BPDSurvivorSenior Contributor13 July 2020, 10:40 pm AEST

Re: Older teenager with Depression, and I am not coping so well

Hi @wendybea ,

You pointed out a very interesting point - that your daughter ruminates every evening. I find myself doing this A LOT. It seems that when it gets later in the evening, the negative thoughts begin.

I've spoken to my psychologist about this, and this is what it seems to come down to. Negative thoughts in the evening is an evolutionary safe-guard. As evening approaches, our body temperatures lower which in turn prepares us to go to sleep. These 'negative' thoughts allows us to assess our performance during the day so as to improve in the future which then gives us a better chance for survival.

Unfortunately, moving on from primitive times, these negative thoughts go into over drive. This prevents us from sleeping and we all know what happens when we are sleep deprived!

So basically, from experience, please don't try to reason with me at this time because it just ain't gonna work!

Practise good sleep hygiene (both of you) and discuss it after a good sleep... that's my suggestion.

My thoughts are with you,

BPDSurvivor

In response to: Re: Older teenager with Depression, and I am not coping so well

wendybeaCasual Contributor14 July 2020, 1:47 pm AEST

Re: Older teenager with Depression, and I am not coping so well

Hi,

I just want to say things are going ok. She has found a good counseller, and that is helping. We are still going through it, but not as badly (nightly) as before. I'm still exausted, but the pressure is a bit less so that I feel happier.

Thanks

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