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I'm disappearing

RudyNew Contributor17 July 2016, 11:35 am AEST

I'm disappearing

I've been broken by being pushed out of my career. I've lost myself to petty bureaucrats who felt the need to try and control me, when being free is as precious and vital to me, and to my being able to actually do the job they'd hired me to do, as air. I feel bullied and beaten. I have suffered major depressive illnesses for years but I was doing ok until crushed under the weight of so much control at my new place of work, so much petty need to control me, which had never been the case before in the same role at different workplaces. I have no clue at all how bosses can try and control you to that extent and yet except respect rather than utter revilement. It's crippled me that as I became wildly successful the more other people have tried to fence me in, and I feel as if I've lost myself, been forced to either betray my principles or resign. So I've resigned to stop myself from committing suicide but I'm still being hounded by them about rules I've supposedly broken while serving my notice. And I have no job or money and I'm lurching between anger and mental pain that just wants me to end things. I'm so angry that a workplace that alleges that it does not discriminate on ideology or anything else, that supposedly hired me because of my huge successes, would then break me so that I could not work, then tell me i've broken their rules by not working. Meanwhile I'm disappearing beneath anger and pain.

4 replies

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In response to: I'm disappearing

DecadianSenior Contributor17 July 2016, 12:02 pm AEST

Re: I'm disappearing

Hi @Rudy

I have read your post and I cannot put a like beside it because I feel angry that you have been treated so unfairly

Personally - I resent anyone who tried to control me - I understand what you are saying even though I cannot know the circumstances - I worked for many years in an organisation that discriminated against me for various reasons - but it suited me to stay - so I did

However - it seems this is a much worse situation. You should never betray your principles - this will cause untold suffering - and it is wrong -

I don't know the circumstances of your contract - but it seems to me if you have resigned properly and left then the company has no right to harrass you - I am sure you can complain to some Anti-Discrimination organisation - right now the words will not come to me - but they will or someone else will answer you about this

But please do not take your own life because of this - I know how you feel makes it feel impossible to continue - and no one has the right to do this to you

But you have anger and pain - and it is what it is - don't try and stop feeling angry because girls are taught it is bad to be angry - angry turned inward becomes depression and you already have enough of that

I am hoping you are there - I am hoping you will find help - this (discrimination) should not be happening

Decadian

In response to: I'm disappearing

Fancy_PantsSenior Contributor17 July 2016, 12:54 pm AEST

Re: I'm disappearing

Hi @Rudy,

A very warm welcome to the sane forums.

Thank you for joining us and sharing your story, what a horrid situation you are in! I have some (not like yours) understanding of just how insidious bullying can be and how it can eat away at you.

I know you said you resigned to keep yourself safe but I really want to check with you are you safe now? holding a pain that wants you to end things sounds overwhelming

I have emailed you but just in case you dont see it please consider LifeLine 13 11 14 or Suicude Call Back service 1300 659 467? They can respond immediately if you are in danger or during business house Sane 1800 18 7263 can help you create a safety plan

if however I am wrong and you are OK what is helping you cope right now?

are you following any legal avenues? ie calling Legal Aid for free info/ support regarding your rights? Or WorkSafe? Or the fair work Ombudsman?

In response to: I'm disappearing

utopiaSenior Contributor17 July 2016, 7:50 pm AEST

Re: I'm disappearing

Hi @Rudy. Thank you for your post. I can so empathise.
I suffered a similar result at my previous employer. Over worked for 18 months; I suffered acute stress. Wasn't coping at all. Management & the OH&S department had meetings with all the staff ( many staff suffering from stress due to lack of care / management), but they didn't do anything. It was all just lip service. Living in the country, I couldn't find any other work. So I stuck it out, hoping it would get better. It didn't. I've been on WorkCover for almost 2years. My employer has since terminated my contract. I had bad depression and anxiety and ptsd. Am being treated and am doing better.
But the reality is it was caused by management and bad policy. There are 3 of us from that department on WorkCover. 2 are going to court to sue the workplace. I'm in discussions with a lawyer.
For 2 years I've been living on 80% of my part time income. I am so behind in all my bills. Hard to make the money stretch. It causes more stress and anxiety. And then I have constant assessments from Workcover (to prove I'm sick I guess). It's been a vicious circle.
So well done @Flower88 for leaving the workplace. I know it doesn't help you financially, but you are still here and alive (thank god). It's truly amazing and disgusting how some work places treat their staff and then kick them when they're down.
So I hear you. I feel for you. And I'm so sorry they treated you like a peice of trash.
Please seek help through your gp to access some medicare funded counseling. It has made a huge difference with regard to keeping me safe and learning coping techniques.
All the best.

In response to: I'm disappearing

SaharaSenior Contributor18 July 2016, 9:31 am AEST

Re: I'm disappearing

Hi @Rudy,

I'm glad you were able to write here. It sounds like you have been treated very badly by your employer and you are very angry. Try to ignore their ongoing harassment, if at all possible. Take a deep breath, don't answer their calls and don't reply to their emails for now.

You have resigned. You are out of there! They can no longer harm you. You did the right thing in protecting yourself by resigning. No job is worth putting up with bullying. You have to put your mental health first, above all.

Do you have a union you can contact? If not, try the Fair Work Ombudsman. You can find their number on-line. You need to talk to someone who understands these issues, which can unfortunately be quite complex. You might need to put the details of what happened to you in writing and make it very clear and unemotional.

You don't have to take action against your former employer unless you want to - it's totally up to you. You might be best to get immediate support for your mental health first, especially if you have felt suicidal. This should be your main priority now. Can you talk to your G.P. about what happened? They can refer you to a psychologist or counsellor if you need to talk things over.

The type of thing that you describe with your former employer has happened to me not once, but twice!! There are some vicious people out there. Sadly, they do not even realise the impact that their actions have on their employees.

The first time it happened to me, I was so angry that I sought counselling just for someone to talk to. This really helped me and so I was in a good position to retaliate when it happened again.

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