checking in

I would be sad if you deleted your account, @Lee71 . But if the forums aren't helping you, then I guess I can understand you might want to leave. I would like to be able to help if there is anything bothering you about the forums, though...

But I'm even more worried that you might want to delete your account as a precursor to a suicide attempt, which is much more serious. I so wish that things would turn around for you, for the better, Lee. I can see hope - that you have come out of the severe depression before, and you can do it again... I wish so much that you had a speck of hope.

@NatureLover

The thought of leaving the forums has crossed my mind again, not because of anything that's happened. And not because it's not helpful. It is helpful here, and you especially have been very kind and caring and understanding .

You say you see hope, it's true I did get out of a very dark hole that I was in, but unfortunately it only lasted a few months.

Either it wasn't real and I was just fooling myself, or it's just not meant to be. I'm not meant to be ok or have anything good happen. My whole life is testament to that statement.

Thanks for talking to me, Lee71.

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@Lee71 wrote:

@NatureLover

The thought of leaving the forums has crossed my mind again, not because of anything that's happened. And not because it's not helpful. It is helpful here, and you especially have been very kind and caring and understanding .

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I'm relieved to hear that the forums are helpful, and thank you for saying those kind words.

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@Lee71 wrote:

You say you see hope, it's true I did get out of a very dark hole that I was in, but unfortunately it only lasted a few months.

Either it wasn't real and I was just fooling myself, or it's just not meant to be. I'm not meant to be ok or have anything good happen. My whole life is testament to that statement.

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I think those months where you got out of the severe depression were real. I know it's devastating to find yourself back there. I don't believe that severe depression is what's "meant to be" at all. I think we are meant to be at least partly OK, and have some good things happen sometimes. I am so very sorry, Lee, and I hear you when you say, that your whole life has been the opposite. 😞

I personally hate depression - it's what scares me the most of all my illnesses. I hate it for robbing us of all hope and will to do anything. I hate it for lying to us and robbing us of anything good. I hate it for what it's doing to you, @Lee71 . 😞

@NatureLover

It's hard to know what to say, I too don't like depression, it's the hardest part too for me, it's so paralyzing.

As for it being meant to be, just even thinking about that brings up a whole lot more for me, how I must be bad and many other things.

This dark place is so familiar. I just want to hide away, that's partly why I thought about leaving the forums, there's more, but yea.

@Lee71 wrote:

As for it being meant to be, just even thinking about that brings up a whole lot more for me, how I must be bad and many other things.

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It sounds to me as if you've had a lot of trauma in your life...I'm so sorry to hear. @Lee71

I understand about the intense need to hide away. I'm wondering how you would feel about hiding away but not deleting your account here...just taking an indefinite break, if you need to? You said there's more to it, sadly... I am worried that deleting your account is very 'final', like you might be tidying up matters in order to try to exit this life. 😞

I want you to know that I and others here will listen if you want to talk about anything.

hello and hugs @Lee71

instead of deleting your sane account because we will miss you lots

how about some self care, doing something you like

we all have our ups and down my friend , Keep on keeping on , you can do this again and we are here for you

have you got a coping box which you can turn too xx

@NatureLover, @Faith-and-Hope , @eth , @outlander

@NatureLover

I know you and others are here to listen if I need.

As I said you have always been so patient and understanding and caring.

I want to say how very strong I think you are, Lee, for holding on your whole life, and still being here in this world.

I really hope you can hold on a bit longer...till you can get a spark of hope.

I need to go now, as I don't function well in the evenings... There will be others around in the night...and you can call a @ Moderator if you need.

Please be safe, @Lee71 .

@NatureLover

Thanks for everything. Hope you have a good night. Sleep well

hugs @NatureLover , @Lee71