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I’m at a crossroad of Living or Taking my own life

PocketRocket88Senior Contributor24 May 2020, 8:06 pm AEST

I’m at a crossroad of Living or Taking my own life

I'm not coping well tonight., The Urge to Self harm and end my life is really strong that it's uncomfortable.,

i feel that my life is meaningless and worthless coz I got nothing in my life to be proud or happy about., As much as I love my family, they don't really seem to care whether I'm alive or dead., I just became an aunt to a gorgeous baby boy whom I've only seen through photos, coz of the issue/riff with my brother in law a year or two ago which I've made certain steps on mending the relationship way before the baby arrived, He is now holding me back from seeing my nephew., I don't know what else I can do for him to move past it., the arrival of my nephew has somewhat gave me hope and motivation to better myself, now that's gone I got nothing to live for., My life is so empty and lonely that I am seriously thinking of just taking my own life coz atleast once I'm gone everyone will be happy and I will be with my aunt + uncle in heaven coz them two were the only ones who understood and cared for me when I was growing up., Atleast I'll be happy with them than be lonely and miserable here.,

Ive lost motivation to seek any help or support coz what's the point of doing all those when no one cares plus I seemed to just keep going in loops and not really getting anywhere.,

as bad as this may sound, I am not scared of dying coz life for me is not worth living., 🙁

probably once I'm gone everyone will be happier and will be better off.,

1 reply

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In response to: I’m at a crossroad of Living or Taking my own life

jem80Senior Contributor27 May 2020, 9:11 pm AEST

Re: I’m at a crossroad of Living or Taking my own life

@PocketRocket88

If you are at serious risk with your suicidal thoughts, please call 000.

If you need to chat to someone you can chat with suicide call back service at https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/ Or call them on 1300659467.

Alternatively you can contact lifeline on 131114 or chat with them online at https://www.lifeline.org.au/about-lifeline/contact-us

I empathise that you are going through a difficult time in your life and the one thing that motivated you has know become the obstacle in continuing your recovery in your life.

I remember when my cousin had her children when I was starting my road to recovery. There is an instinctiveness as a parent to automatically protect their newborn child from what would be perceived as any danger. I never took offense because over time there was a realisation that there was no danger.

If you have repaired your relationship with your brother it may take some time to feel at ease. I remember that I had to be patient with family to accept that they too had grieved with what they witnessed and went through themselves when I was acutely unwell.

Perhaps have a chat with your brother about what it is that is troubling him as to why he might not want you to see the child. One of the things about COVID-19 at the moment is that parents have an acutely heighten sense to protect their children and your brother may have acute anxiety to ensure that the child doesn't get sick.

When I wanted to see my cousin's newborn, I got a whopping cough booster so I could know that I wouldn't be a risk to the child.

Try and find other things in life to help motivate you in your road to recovery. It might be going for a walk, writing in a journal to help you calm your thoughts. Also writing in a journal and then coming back and reflecting on your thoughts can sometimes help you look at issues in a different way.

I implore you to continue your road in recovery and hope that these set backs don't deterre you in any way. We all have set backs in relationships in our road to recovery and it's about communicating in a compassionate way that can hopefully show a way forward in recovery.

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