Losing Time!

Hello @Becca

Parenting is a huge job that takes everything we have to give and then some.

Maybe talk with your therapist about your sense of losing time and memory. Unpack it a bit, but to be honest, often all they can do is patch us up and see us through another ... month ... I am not sure how old your children are and if they will be going back to school. Self doubt as a mum is so common. There is rarely a better parent than the real one. Take care of you. Maybe the purple dye was your inner child crying out for some love too.

Gently Bently

Apple

Hey,

Im so sorry to hear what you are going through. It must be really hard for you to feel so unsure and confused. I am a parent of a young child too. Perhaps a one or two day break would be enough to help piece things back together. Is there someone who can help?

Sending love & care

@Becca

Hey,

I have similar issues with getting lost in time as I would have fits which left me unconscious. A friend with epilepsy has similar problem and would be in a daze for 2 weeks after an episode and yes, sometimes hospitalised.

I am not sure if yours is because of an illness, but it's worth checking in with your gp to get to the bottom of the matter. It would have helped accelerate you through this drama.

In my case, it would have been my work which helps me through ironically as my coworkers would be calling and leaving multiple messages reminding me of deadlines, so I somehow have to just stay focused regardless. I work from home by the way and enjoy my work in the digital art industry which I am passionate of.

Though I would faint twice a day, I would somehow just push myself to be present for work. And no, it's not for the cash. During the christmas holiday when I was off work, I would just be in a daze for long period of time as my friend would as there was nothing forcing me to snap out of it. It was then I realised my work helps me too and I am grateful to all those coworkers who kept me in check. They weren't aware I am ill but I prefer it that way. I want to be healthy.

I was just thinking perhaps you could do the same with your kids. Just spend more time with them and made them the focus of your life. It will somehow distract you and be more involved in their daily activities. Kids are usually full of vigour and they will help you to be more active and present in your life. Maybe you all can do a bedtime journal writing together so you would be able to keep the memories together. I love kids and I would cherish them if I were you. You never know they might be the ones who heal you.

Take care!

@Becca Hey Becca and welcome to the forums. There was a period of my life that I lost 18 months of my life. It has taken me many years to get it back so I appreciate where you are coming from. Definitely speak with your therapist about it. Maybe the stress of covid-19 has contributed to it as @Appleblossom said we dont know the ages of your children so if they have been home schooled that would bring on an enormous amount of extra stress for you. As for the purple hair I dyed my hair purple too during that period of time and it looked great 🙂 whatever you do try not to worry anymore than you need to and take care of you.

Take care. Love greebpea

Hey guys,

Thankyou for the reassuring words.

I agree parenting is by far the hardest thing out there. Since having kids they have become my world. Everything I do is for them.

I have spoken with a friend and she assures me that the kids have been taken care of and that I was quite excited about the purple hair apparently. She says I have been crankier and moodier than normal and loke I am here but not really here

Sorry I should have mentioned my kids are 4 and 2. One with special needs and the other is just full on and loud, very loud!

Which doesnt sit to well with the oldest who likes silence.

The purple hair has just spun me out, I had beautifully blonde hair. Took my forever to get it that way and now its purple!

I hope the inner child in me likes it because quite frankly I am just pissed about it.

I know it sounds petty and ridiculous but it just has me so puzzled!

Its not the first time that this has happened like I have a shocking memory and if I dont write things down I forget them, I lose things all the time, spend money and forget what I have bought, even down to quitting my job. I know i have done it but I cant tell you how or why.

You know what I am actually really pissed but I am pissed at me! What the actual is happening here!

Oh sorry I am not the one to vent either and I feel awful for even asking questions about this but I just need answers.

I should mention that I have a diagnosis of PTSD which has consumed most of my life for the past 2 years, an unsupportive ex who only wants to parent when it suits him and the one friend that I rely on, I now currently live with, so a break is really not possible.

I dont know guys, I just dont know, I feel so defeated. Safe to say I am not okay right now. I am really not okay right now!

@Becca

So you are bang in the middle of the most physically demanding period of parenting, without even time out for kids at school. Often kids take opposite modes of being in their personalities. I believe it helps if the quiet one ... can get noisy sometimes and the noisy one ... quiet occasionally ... then they both have a way of getting through their own emotional regulation issues. Toddler Taming is an art and was a popular book when mine were young.

Hearing you about your frustration with yourself. Sometimes the parenting gig stretches us all out of shape, and we lose sense of who we are. It sounds like a trauma response so try and get proper trauma informed care from your therapist.

Gently Bently ... unless or until the cork pops ... then whatever gets you thru.

Parenting while living in a disjointed world is a frightening place to be waking up in on a daily basis.

Reaching out in this (wonderfully) safe place is a step, and I hope in the right direction.

Ive known that feeling of wtf happened... not knowing how. It made me feel like I had lost myself. How do you put that to words without the stress of consequence? You have made a step, a choice to reach out, and it gets easier each time it's expressed to say something to another.
The responses aren't always helpful and sometimes hurtful, it will still get easier to vocalise, be it here, a friend or a professional. Hate that word!

Im still looking for the strength and ability to voice these breaks in my memory, and I find writing them down a trigger to understanding. Sometimes I find things written I don't recall and that gives insight to what has happened. For me, that gives me a little peace.

you are stronger than you think and I believe on the right path to being your own you. If I could take my own advice, you are you, and you are now aware. It's a better place, although scary, to be.