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There's something really wrong with me.

BaileyRyanContributor

There's something really wrong with me.

This is my first post. This is my first time admitting this to anyone. I have two beautiful baby girls. One is nearly two and the other is 6 months. They are my world and I love them dearly, and I'm still with their father and I love him too. But at some stage, every single day, I want to give up. I want to run away. I feel so much pressure and I get so angry. If my two year old tests my limits too much, I lose my temper and I'm finding it really hard to stop myself from hurting her. I love her so much and I never WANT to hurt her but in the heat of the moment, the rage takes a hold of me and I lose it.

I must be a terrible mum. I feel like if I admit this to my GP, I'll have my kids taken off me. But I know I need help. I was diagnosed with PND after my firstborn, but never diagnosed for anything else. I know I have problems but I'm so scared of losing my kids.

5 replies

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In response to: There's something really wrong with me.

hope77Senior Contributor

Re: There's something really wrong with me.

Hey @BaileyRyan Even mothers without and feel like lashing out at kids so don't feel bad they can be very trying at times. I had and twice and believe me these feeling will pass. Talk to your doctor and try and get those around you to help more so you can have some time for yourself. It is so important. we are always here if you want to talk more. No one will take your children off you. you sound like a caring mother

In response to: There's something really wrong with me.

utopiaSenior Contributor

Re: There's something really wrong with me.

Welcome @BaileyRyan. Thank you for writing so honestly about a subject that is so important.
Firstly you are not a bad mum. You are overwhelmed.
Did you get checked for PND with the birth of your second child?
Secondly. Go and talk to your gp or maternal health care nurse. They are experienced at looking after those that need help. And they will help you.
I understand the fear that if you admit what is happening that someone will take your children. I don't think this is likely. I believe they will give you all the help you need to feel better and able to cope with being a mother. It's not an easy job.
You have reached out here. Reach a little further and talk to your gp

In response to: Re: There's something really wrong with me.

AppleblossomSenior Contributor

Re: There's something really wrong with me.

We cant prepare for it. We just have to find coping strategies. The 24/7 aspect wont go away, so talk about it with a counsellor ... I dont believe that it is something wrong with you, just that you have more than you can handle and need support.

That is 2 bubbas close in age ... have you read Toddler Taming ... we have a lady on the forum who talks about her baby dragons ...

Go gently with yourself and you will find a path for your family.

In response to: There's something really wrong with me.

BaileyRyanContributor

Re: There's something really wrong with me.

I never was checked for PND with my second. But I feel the same so I'm assuming I'm just a big old bag of messed up.

In response to: There's something really wrong with me.

utopiaSenior Contributor

Re: There's something really wrong with me.

@BaileyRyan. You probably do have PND. It's not your fault. Go and see your gp. PND can & needs to be treated. Nobody will take your children away from you. You have a medical condition that happens to lots of women. It can be scary but you need to talk to your gp. Let them know you had PND with your first child. Let them know how you are feeling now. Get some help and you won't always feel like this. Can you talk to your husband about this? It may help
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