My story

Hello @idkandidc , that is a very confronting situation to be in, it must scary at times for you and your little sister. I am so sorry for what you have had to deal with and put up with in your very young life. You where very brave to confide in your school psychologist, it was just unfortunate that your mum and dad reacted the way they did. Your friends had no right to treat you that way, they should have showed compassion and supported you. I have suffered childhood trauma and understanding completely the way you react in shopping centres because I was the same and at 40 something I still have days where that prevents me from going to the shops. They are a valid reaction to what you have had to face, but with professional help it does get easier.

Being 20 and a adult now there is no reason to involved your parents in your contact with any MH professional or is there another way they might find out?

Honey, how old is your sister? How many more years have you condemned yourself in that house? Your life, your dreams your hopes they all matter @idkandidc You have shown real courage to reach out here. You have the strength to do whatever you need to do.

Welcome to the fourms, you will find this a safe space to share how you are feeling, to be very honest about how you are feeling and get support from some of the most wonderful people I have had the pleasure to meet. Just remember if you want to chat to someone in particular place the @ before their username. Looking to chatting with you more.

hey @idkandidc and welcome

you have been through so much, im not much older then you and i was also taken advantage of so i can relate to how you mght be feeling.

I have PTSD, anxiety, depression among other things and to me sounds like you have many similar features.

Has your psychologist mentioned any diagnoses for you? how are you finding their help?

I know how hard abusive families are especially those who bully you into thinking what they want and get you to do what they want you to do. If you think moving out is a good option and want to do that then i would encourage you to do so. You can encourage your sister to stay with you (can i ask how old she is?) when possible if that makes you feel better. In order to move forward in might help to also break down some of those toxic relationships your in such as your parents and their controlling/abusive nature

i asusme you have your own phone and emails etc so perhaps contact depratment of housing for your state and see if they are able to help you out as well. Are you working or on some sort of centrelink benefits? this will help with applications as well as having your own independence.

Hi @Former-Member,

Thank you for your message. It definitely helps knowing that I am not alone.

Regarding the professional help it is difficult as mum used to screen my phone and sometimes still does it so I do not want to be caught lying. Also as she doesn't drive, she will normally come with me if I end up going somewhere which makes it a little harder too. My sister is 17, so only a year left to go until she is legally an adult and can leave. It has been 20, almost 21 years in the house occasionally I get a break by going to sleepovers or camps which is good but other than that mostly at home.

I have found that I have so much fight in me to keep going and push forward but I don't have the drive and the effort as every step I take forward I fall 3 steps backwards. I felt I was making so much headway at the start of this year, I had lots of savings and then the lockdown happened so I couldn't work. Mum kept taking as usual and now I've got nothing left. This is the third time I have gotten close to getting out and now I'm not sure if it is even possible.

Hi @outlander

Unfortunately seeing as I haven't seen anyone for 4 years I don't know if the diagnosis still stands or if things have turned completely upside down and I have more than then. I do know though that back in 2016 my psychologist did say I had a form of PTSD but that it should fade within the next year after that so I'm not sure if I still have it or if it is something else intirely. I did love seeing her because she was able to explain somethings that didn't make sense to me and I have been interested in finding another one but the connection I've had with others hasn't been the same and I haven't felt comfortable in the room enough to share my whole story so I don't know anymore.

Until my sister turns 18 (which is in about a year) I can't legally take her with me or ask her to stay with me and sadly that's partly the reason I've stayed so she has options. I have not tried the housing department yet but I was working before the lockdown which was good. Now as I can't go back to work I have tried Centrelink but they have said that until I turn 22 I am under the care of my parents which means I can't claim Centrelink. Thank you for the housing department tip I will try that one and we shall see how that goes.

hey @idkandidc

Hmm, ok well in my own opinion a mental health diagnosis doesnt also come with a time frame and honestly it shouldnt. PTSD isnt something that 'goes away' as your psychologist has said. I have C-PTSD and i know many other members here who have c-ptsd/ptsd and their condition last much longer then a year not through their own fault. some things might only last a year however it depends on the person, how much it affected them (and from what youve said its still very much affecting you in your daily life), supports, how well they learn to cope. so many factors. its really not as simple as giving you a diagnosis saying itll last a little while and then sending you on your way.

i would honestly consider speaking to another psychologist. Kids Helpline is a service for young people to use up to the age of 25, they offer weekly phone call/ or webchat psychology sessions. maybe something like this would be better for you, you could arrange for a late night session online through webchat and then clear your browser so if you mother decides to look through your phone theres no evidence of it being there.

if you found your previous psychologist good, id reccomend seeing her again. as things are on the phone you can still do phone consults. she also connot confirm if you see her or not due to patient confidentiality. if you see your gp, they arent allowed to tell your mother unless youve given permission or its totally emergent in which case theyd only give the info to the hospital not your mother. the only reason your mother would find out is if you tell her.

i realise this seems quite deceiptive and its quite hard (ive gone through similar and still do so i understand) but your also an adult so you dont have to tell her anything.

do you have a job to go back to once lockdown has eased? i would either consider looking for a new job or speaking to your manager about when your able to come back.

Im not sure who gave you info on centrelink however people as young as 16 can go onto it and for many reasons. i think if you are currently looking for work they call it job seekers allowance which gives you money until you start working a certain amount of hours in a job, theres student allowances as well, newstart. so so many.

your mother isnt getting paid for you and not even for your sister now. Your sister as im guessing she still may be in school as well is also able to go onto centrelink. if your comfortable in doing so id suggest having a look on their website and applying.

you can also apply for your own medicare card, this stops all notifications and rebates etc that come from medicare from going to your mother. its literally just linked to you and your own appointments and bank account.

So to update everyone,

I tried to smooth things over with mum and try to stay home as long as possible but I have since realised she is holding me back. I have made the scariest decision of my life to move out.

Today I was yelled at again for choosing to go to work (haven't worked for 3months because they closed) over going to see a movie. I had thought that was the smart decision and the most logical one but instead I was verbally abused by mum for not spending time with her. I get where she is coming from but I need to earn money and she does not understand that. So I decided in this moment to be courageous and stand up for myself and move out. I plan to move within the next couple of weeks and finally start my life on the right page!