547New Contributor
Feel so alone
I'm not a carer, rather a daughter who admittantly doesnt know much about mental health. This is my first time on here, apologies if this sounds like a rant:
I live at home with my mother, who I believe suffers from some form of mental illness. I think it's anxiety, although she refuses to seek medical attention. Growing up, she has always been controlling and demanding, we had what felt like a thousand rules in our household, some things were somewhat reasonable, many did not seem to be. Often she we would 'fly off the handle' into a fit if rage (not violent but often verbal abuse) - I have thick skin and so do other family members so even though it was painful I learnt to think nothing of it, just go and hide in my room until it was over. That all got worse after she had a major surgery about 6 years ago, afterwards she seemed to become more and more afraid of everything, rules to live in the house became even more strenuous etc. After her mother died of dementia it amplified - we are now living in a household that to me feels like a prison. Isolation due to Covid-19 has made her even more 'formiddable'. I am afraid to go near her or touch something in the house without her 'blowing up' at me about the inevitable mistake she believes I have made - even when I have done my utmost to follow her directions and am trying to do something nice for her.
When she becomes angry she screams for what seems like hours and can often spend many hours fixated on the same 'issue' screaming and shouting at me or other family members. I do all I can to keep out of her way, but honestly I just feel so alone and scared to do basic things in my house such as pour some cereal or choke on water without her 'freaking out' at me.
I do my best to support her, respect her and do what she tells me, however as a fulltime worker and post grad uni student I am struggling to balance this. I know I should probably be doing more but honestly I don't know what I can do, I'm afraid one day I'm just going to crack and fall apart completely.
That sounds so stressful living in isolation together. I can hear that you are 'walking on eggshells' to avoid triggering her, but the result is that you are living in fear at home. 
