Living alone with depression,anxiety,suicidal thoughts and completely loneliness....

Hello @Peri ..

Im so tired of waking to me, eating with me..going to bed and waking again to have to spend more time with me....My furs I love them very much...I talk to them and answer for them...If I didn’t talk to them..I will forget how to talk...I haven’t spoken to anyone in weeks..or seen anyone either...My children message me only...even today I am not worth a phone call..If I ring them..it goes to msg bank...

I could ring a help line, but others are more in need of them then I am...I have spoken to them before...once the phones hang up...it’s the same again..

I am lost...in a world that doesn’t want to know me..People have their friends and are happy with that... I can’t see me living this lonely life for much longer..it hurts to much to realise and know that for the time I have left for living..I will be doing it daily with no one to share it with..

No..I don’t want a relationship with anyone...My marriage has made me terrified of men..

Life is hard especially when you have to live it alone..

Dear @Starta ,

i so understand so much of what you say. I don’t want a relationship either, for lots of reasons, but another person cannot fill a void that you feel is in your soul.

ring a help line, who is ,more in need than you? Stop so totally undervaluing yourself. Please. I value you, the help lines don’t hang and say well you aren’t worth our time.

I know you can’t just up and leave where you are and I really understand financial pressure and all that, but is there someone you can go to for help to see a way through to moving even half way to one of your sons and a bit bigger town.. I know that is too much for you to think of right now.

i am here for you, so keep responding, but on.y if you feel like it.

CHildren can be a hit and miss situation and yours have a lot on with young families to manage too and when a parent is not close by to be the helper I have found you can be out of sight, out of mind. That does not mean that they don’t love you, unfortunately us parents want to see love expressed a bit more.

i can be a friend, I know it is not like being a friend you see and can touch, but I genuinely care for you and wish to help you at this time.

peri

@Starta

Hi,

I am wary of being alone too, especially since a traumatizing event. I am currently living in a houseshare but would love to live in a cohousing (similar to hostel but with ensuite private room) as I had lovely experiences there making many close friends, sharing many meals, and the occasional heartful conversation in each other's bedroom. Yea, I used to live in a student accommodation, but there's always subsidised retirement village for the older folks. You would never lack companionship as there are many residents there. Most are friendly and making close friendships would have been inevitable as the environment encourages us to do so.

I am currently living in a houseshare with just 3 people but I hardly know them as they aren't too keen on socialising. But when there are many residents, I will have option to find similar groups of like minded people eventually. I am planning to move to such place soon as the restrictions are being eased, hoping to make new circle of friends. Fingers crossed, we won't have a second wave of covid-19, but if so, I would be in better place.

Best wishes! 🙂

@Starta , there is nothing I can add that others here have said so well. I just want to join the others in saying, I understand, and sitting with you in the aloneness. You are not alone. 💜💜💜

Hi there @Starta

Your story could have been mine, but it sounds like you're a bit older than me. What an awful place you're in right now. . I used to volunteer at an op shop until that was shut recently, and I've totally lost motivation as well.

I've found that it's really important to put some structure or routine in your day. Not sure if your fur babies are dogs, but could you take a little walk? 15-20mins if you can manage. And I find that if I can just do one nice thing for myself, something simple, I feel a little better. That might be even just managing a shower or doing the dishes. Don't force yourself to be happy, but perhaps look for the tiny moments of satisfaction or achievement. I hear you say that the people in your village are quite clicky, but have you tried making some small talk with them? People often find common ground over animals.

Is there anything else you can do to help you feel a little better right now? Do you do any crafts or hobbies? Lots of people here in the forums do craft work. I'm pretty pathetic at it, but I do write poetry from time to time.

I see you have said you see your gp in a few weeks. If you can, can you bring that forward? It's really important to talk to someone if you are having suicidal thoughts. Maybe your medication needs adjusting or adding. Reaching out to helplines isn't a burden, although I nderstand because I have felt the same way.

Please keep reaching out here anytime you need, and I don't mind you tagging me at all. Sometimes all people need when they are feeling like they want to self harm is some one to 'sit' with them. Many members have done that for me just this weekend as I was triggered by something.

I know you probably don't believe me right now, and that's OK, but you are worthy, you do matter and I'm sure you have much to contribute still to society. It's just a matter of finding what that is, and finding your purpose and worth. Right now, especially with covid, that's so much harder.

Hi @Starta I have been in your position not too many weeks ago actually. Coming here and reaching out really helped and I hope it helps you too.

Try to bring your doctor appointment forward.. you really need that.
I understand about living in a town where everyone already has their cliques... I do too. I have no local friends and it can be difficult. I too joined a few community organisations at first thinking it would help but it didn't. This covid isolation has made it really hard on people who were just doing okay with aloneness by taking away the only things that made it bearable. I hear you! Please get that doctor appointment moved forward and make sure s/he hears you too. Having a routine helps and any little crafty things you might do can help too. My sister was telling me her neighbors have been having afternoon tea on their porches at the same time to combat the loneliness. She said they don't talk a lot but every so often one of them will call something out and the others will respond and it seems very comfortable. They didn't know each other before.

One of them popped a note in the mail boxes saying she was going to be having afternoon tea on her porch at 2pm every day unless raining and would they join her on their porches. Anyway.. I'm rambling. How are you feeling this morning? Is the sun shining where you are?

Thank you @Peri ..and everyone..

I had a unplanned and un announced visit from mental health this morning...Not sure why they came....I am annoyed that they didn’t ring first..my arm was uncovered when they came..I am scared now they will try to put me back in hospital....

Life is darn complicated...

@Starta are you ok and are you safe?

I did reply to you earlier but you musn't have seen it in earlier comments

Dear @Starta ,

dont worry about the arm, they need more than that to put you in hospital I am sure.

you need to try to shift some of your thinking. How do you normally do that. Please thing about it

peri