Living alone with depression,anxiety,suicidal thoughts and completely loneliness....

@Starta Hey Starta it has been awhile since I have seen you. Good to see you back again :). So sorry things are going tough for you. Have you spoken to your sons about how you are feeling? Do they actually know that you are so desperately lonely? Maybe you could move closer to them? Small villages are hard eggs to crack friendship wise. I will be here on and off throughout the day if you want to talk. Take care. greenpeaxx

Hello @Bunniekins ..

I did look into mover closer to them..but my finances don’t allow me to...They do know I’m struggling..as I attempted a couple of years ago and spent 6 weeks in hospital...One of my daughter in law’s has brain cancer..and my son is very busy with his children and my dil...taking her to chemo etc..My younger son is struggling atm with a house mortgage..and I cannot impose on them....plus there’s no room in their homes for me...I really don’t expect them to put me up..not with my mh issues and young children to care for...

I self harmed last night to stop the suicidal thoughts..it worked for a while until I woke up again and have another day to get through...

I haven’t been out of my home for weeks except to sit outside...haven’t seen or spoken to anyone either....My Mental health nurse has left the area..my support worker isn’t allowed to visit...now for a few months...I feel so alone...What am I doing here..I have no worth to no one... I don’t want to continue waking up day after day to sit around in my thoughts...waiting for night...

Hi @Starta , am sorry to hear about your depression, suicidal thoughts and lack of motivation. And the loneliness in your small village doesn't sound good.

Do you have a good GP? I'm wondering if telling them how you feel may be a start to getting some more support, maybe medication or some counselling. (Please just ignore if you already have these suports in place.)

What also really helped me was volunteering. I met other people with similar interests and it gave me a purpose. I get more than I give out of my volunteering. I started when I was depressed and anxious, and told them this, and they were very helpful and started me off with very small tasks. I'm not sure if there's anywhere in your small village though that would offer any volunteering, or if you'd want that.

It's good that you've written how you feel here, as people here can understand.

Hello @Starta ,

I'm reading that it is a really hard time for you right now. Just wanting you to know that I and all of the SANE Forums team and our community have your back at this moment. It can be very difficult to deal with the urge to SH. Do you feel you could possibly reach out to Lifeline or SCBS if needed for some assistance or a conversation? It’s vital to us that you are alright, if you require urgent assistance please call emergency services and dial 000.

Best wishes and warmest hopes,

Otter

@Starta Starta can you go an see your trusted gp. I know medication doesnt solve everything but it has definitely helped me with my mental health issues including depression brought on by mood fluctuations. Have you got a good psychiatrist? One that you can talk to via the phone?

@Bunniekins @Otter @NatureLover ....I am on medication for both depression and anxiety..and was volunteering, the charity shop is closed until restrictions are over...It was a fight with myself some days to even get to my volunteer work...I don’t think I could go back again...after such a long break...I have an appointment with my gp in a few weeks time..she knows the struggling I’m going through and try’s to help me...

I can’t change anything...I’ve tried for more then 6 years...and I’m tired...I get some good days where I am okay living alone in my little inside world and without human contact..Then I get bad days when I just don’t care anymore...I know that no one would know for weeks..if I went missing or worse....and that’s so very sad...

@Starta is good you are seeing your gp again soon.Life can be so hard. xxx

Sorry to hear how you're feeling, @Starta .

It's good you are on meds, although they may need to be reviewed if you are having suicidal thoughts... 😞

It was stupid and insensitive of me to mention volunteering at this time when all volunteers have been told to stay home. I apologise - am not thinking straight today.

I'm glad you have a supportive GP, that's really valuable.

Dear @Starta ,

i am pleased to see you posting here again. But I am so sorry to learn that you are feeling so low. That is so isolating. I understand the longing for a day to come to and end and for night to settle in. I always feel better once the evening sets in and I am not overly depressed at the moment, but still have these feelings..

anxietyis a bummer, and I think, harder to manage than depression. Anxiety is newer for me and has only started to occur in the last few years and it paralyses me.

i know you try to find pleasure in nature and the simple things but some days that can fail us too.

Come here and let some of us hold you up for the moment.

I hope you have not hurt yourself badly.

What is the weather like where you are? Can you find some sun? Just sit in it and feel it. If not sit somewhere safe with your doggies and feel their warmth.

I will check back later to see if you post again.

peri

@Starta I'm so sorry for your loss of your husband and that you feel alone, and your sons live far away.

If you want someone to talk to, I'm here, or just someone to listen. Are you ok, are you safe?