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No feelings and totally lost

EricContributor13 July 2016, 7:08 pm AEST

No feelings and totally lost

I have no feelings and feel totally numb , I am trying to understand why I feel like this but have been struggling , I just don't understand .

I have been getting help but it has only made it more blurry as such . i did something a while back and total regret it , i can't take it back , it's done , it's put my marriage on the line and total changed how my wife now sees things , where these things never bothered her in the past .

i know and understand what happened and can see her sides of things , but i need to be me again , the way I was before , i was happy then , we both were .... But I changed her , I changed me ... I can't go back

I love my wife to death , but don't know how to love again , i have no happy or sad feelings , I have no hate or anger feelings . I am numb ...

the only feelings i do get is to cry , and I have no reason why or what started me to cry ...

Totally numb

18 replies

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In response to: No feelings and totally lost

Unknown userMember14 July 2016, 3:27 pm AEST

Re: No feelings and totally lost

You can be alone in a crowded room. Its only natural to widthdraw when you feel shell shot in life. But we don't have to buy a shipping container & lock ourselves in. I think joint, and individual counselling for you & your wife, a new circle of friends & days on the beach together or camping weekends by the water would be good. Deal with that anger & resentment. Its like taking poison & waiting for someone else to die.
But thats just my experience. I'm not good with men, the way ya think, from another planet it seems and it oft surprises me how humans get together enough to breed. If your wife is safe with you I'm sure she'll go with you to get help & do what she can. Don't throw that away. Don't listen to blackdog. Stay strong, Go kindly 👣👣👣

In response to: Re: No feelings and totally lost

EricContributor14 July 2016, 5:17 pm AEST

Re: No feelings and totally lost

The beach is my fav spot , it's a place we both love , but when I go there I see happy people , walking talking and having fun . Makes me feel even worse right now , I look at them and think , that's how I used to be and not knowing why I can't be like that once again . I am seeing a councillor and that has helped me a lot , I understand things a lot better , but not fully , but when it comes to my feelings , well there is none . Love , anger , hate , remorse , resentment , excitement , happy , sad there is nothing , I know what they all mean , and know how I used to feel when I had those feelings ... But now there is just nothing , like somebody had ripped my heart and soul out and gave it away , I have always given 100% to all , everything I have ever set Out To do , and believe me I am trying now , trying to snap out of things . Nobdy knows what anybody in this position is going through unless they have been there them selfs , it suxs it truly does . It's been a real eye opener for me and wouldn't wish it on anybody ...

i would like to say I just feel something , but there is nothing , all I won't to do is go to bed and sleep and hope i wake up from some kind of bad dream , but day after day it has been the same , it's not a bad dream , it as real as it can be . ...... My wife is my rock but how can she even begins to understand me when I don't understand me

😪😪😪

In response to: No feelings and totally lost

utopiaSenior Contributor14 July 2016, 9:06 pm AEST

Re: No feelings and totally lost

Hi @Eric. That must be so confusing. For whatever reason your brain has decided it needs a rest. Hopefully over the coming weeks, you will slowly start feeling again. Rest when you need to. Also take a walk, even a short walk is beneficial.

In response to: No feelings and totally lost

EricContributor15 July 2016, 11:12 am AEST

Re: No feelings and totally lost

I havnt had feelings for coming on 3 months now , I wish I could just go to sleep and wake up how I was , A happy person , one everybody used to count on , one who didn't have a problem helping others , one who cared about others and not himself , I am so tired , tired of this person I have become , tired due to lack of sleep , tired of how my Mind is thinking , I want and need the old me back so so bad ,
I am dying inside

In response to: No feelings and totally lost

Unknown userMember15 July 2016, 11:42 am AEST

Re: No feelings and totally lost

Hang in there, ring lifeline, talk it out
Can you go for a swim, heated pool somewhere near. Or a bush walk with friends. Just a thought.

In response to: No feelings and totally lost

utopiaSenior Contributor15 July 2016, 9:58 pm AEST

Re: No feelings and totally lost

@Eric. Unfortunately you won't wake up tomorrow your 'old self'. It doesn't work that way I'm sorry. There are ways to get better. CBT -talking therapy. Breathing exercises. Meditation and Mindfulness exercises. Getting enough sleep. Exercising - even a short walk -daily. Medication for some.
I know it's hard but being kind to yourself makes a huge difference.
Keep at it. It is worth it.

In response to: No feelings and totally lost

utopiaSenior Contributor15 July 2016, 11:48 pm AEST

Re: No feelings and totally lost

@Eric. And you said your wife is your soul mate. I'm sure she feels the same way about you. This is hopefully a temporary health issue. She will want to be with you and support you as much as she can. She will be there still holding your hand when you start healing again.

In response to: No feelings and totally lost

AppleblossomSenior Contributor16 July 2016, 6:38 pm AEST

Re: No feelings and totally lost

The therapy is allowing you to connect with your inner pain and put all the bits together of your own story. I hope it doesnt last too long before you see some benefit. Tears can be a sign that you will also feel for another person, rather than those who only do the tough guy thing and make the transition into interdependence.

Male culture is tricky and often more competitive than female culture but changing to include a brader notion of masculinity ... each gender has its own problem issues and strengths ...

I am not sure what happened in your marriage .. but as you seem genuine about working on it ... I hope your wife appreciates that ... Good Luck

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