tough morning

i've had a tough morning and need to vent - i think this is the right place...

in essence my am I so stupid - continuing to use behaviours that are not helpeful and make me feel bad but i keep thinkning maybe this time will be differenet.

my mind and body are at war. there;s a disconnect.

i;ve been doing some great therapy work with my team and have gotten loads in insight into how my behaviours helo me to deal with anxiety depression etc via numbing and i;m aware of the physical costs of these on my body BUT I KEEP USING THEM !!!!

but you know the stupidist part? as i;m engaged with behavrious i am also thinking journalling about why i;m doing them and even possible alternatives that might be more grounded. Concious curosity my therapist calls it. stopping the behaviours though once they get going - that;s another story all together.

Anyone know of a good brain surgeon? For me to get a swap???? "|LOL

*big sigh out*

felt good to bash that out on the keyboard.

dont; really answers to the questions that we likely all battle with, as I think it;s just the rd of mental health issues. but far out sometimes it;s a hard rd to walk and stay positive.

am off to see family now, which frankly would much prefer not to do, but duty calls.