Far away beside myself

Hi @Define_normal I'm sorry that you're going through a lot right now.

For me getting a diagnosis was helpful in making sense of my life and having some sense of moving forward (not that it's always forwards needless to say). I was misdiagnosed for 30 years and didn't get the help I needed until a crisis.

It is strange as you say, that your mother has such strong views on your situation at the same time as saying you should just let the Drs do their job in your son's case. Do you have a good GP who could refer you on to a specialist? I get that you want to be able to talk to your mum, but think maybe if you got a more definite diagnosis from a specialist she may be more receptive.

Also, it's important that your lived experience is respected. It's often hard to tell from the outside, even for someone close to you.

Hey @Define_normal,

It sounds like a tough situation, I can hear you feel something is not right and are in the process of getting a diagnosis. It sounds like it hurts that your mum's perspective is so different.

Whatever her observations are, your voice and your sense of what is going on for you is important. Let us know how you're going with this 💚

Perhaps @Define_normal your mother needs assistance in understanding that any diagnosis you receive from a psychiatrist or other qualified medical specialist is not a judgment on her

competency as a mother or her vigiliance as a parent. She didn't miss anything, health issues are sneaky. If they weren't, there would be a cure for everything!

I think the stigmatizing from the refrigerator mom conceptual model still casts a long shadow.

Thank you all for replying gonna try to keep short if possible

@frog I know it may seem my mum and I are close from the way I worded it but we actually are not that close. I have a lot of negative feelings towards her because of my childhood, there are still good ones and I do still love my mum but it's hard to really describe our relationship.

I really just want to get a proper diagnosis done but I live rural now which is making the process difficult.

I think my mother's biggest issue is that if I get diagnosed with something more complex then what she has she will finally have to admit that my childhood was difficult and she wasn't perfect or any better then her own mother who didn't protect her growing up either.

I do accept now that my son really does have something going on but I was against because I didn't want to be looked at as "another mother who got their kid labeled special". Especially at my son's first school there were some parents who would lie their way through Drs visits even one who bribed their child to behave in a certain way just to get the label then use it for absolutely everything right down to getting their child out of trouble at school.

Then there was the parents who basically said that getting your child labeled would ruin their lives. So I was pretty hesitant at first.

@Former-Member it has been really tough and probably always be tough. My mother always differs in opinion if it doesn't fit in with her fantasy. Which makes things even worse because my whole messed up childhood doesn't fit in with her fantasy.

I am hoping that because I now live in a different state it will be easier. But I also live rural now which adds it's own hurdles.

@Jo-anneJoy again I apologise for my wording but anything I get diagnosed with will reflect on her as a person and a mother because she is one of the reasons I am so messed in the head between her manipulative emotional and verbal abuse, and the physical and sexual abuse from others in the family I really find it amazing that I manage to get myself through day to day life let alone raise a child but I do and to be honest if I didn't have my son I probably wouldn't be here today.

@Tay , I try to but I have trouble doing it as my instincts have led me wrong in the past so it's hard to know what are good instincts and what are bad.