New and my story

Hi @sadness

*waves* welcome to the Forums. I'm really glad you found us!

I hope posting your story did help your healing journey - it definitely didn't 'bore' me.

You have been through so much! I think you're managing really well under these horrible circumstances. You said you weren't sure if you would ever 'move forward'. I think many of us can relate to feeling like that.

There's so much pressure on us (whether it be our own pressure, society pressure, pressure from our professional) to 'move forward' and I think sometimes that pressure can cause us more distress.

The way I try and look at 'recovery' for lack of a better term, is that the terrible things that happened will never go away. It will impact us in different ways at different times.

But we can build a life around the terrible things that happen to us. We can still lead productive and fulfilling life (it sounds like you have that with your family!).

It is still important to reach out for support for all of these terrible things you've been through - which will help - but I think it's so important to lessen the pressure on yourself, give yourself some credit and acknowledge how well you've managed a whole lot of things that many people will never experience.

As I said, I'm really glad you have found this community. I really hope we can assist with your healing.

Hi i wanted to say i can empathise with you completely,

after losing my mother in 2014 to cancer after a 21 year battle i was left with a sense of nothing, the person i had worried so hard to become was feeling like a total loss, a waste of time, i feel like the only place i want to be is with her, when you lose someone that's not only a parent but my soul mate, she knew things before i knew them, and to be adopted and have that taken from me i am angry, I cant talk to anyone because all my friends have never seen this side, the side of rocking back and forth on the floor sobbing and sobbing and not being able to control myself, the wanting to die but knowing in my heart i couldnt do that to my dad and sister and partner, no one see's every is so judgemental i was always labelled "the dramatic child" i found recently some documentation about myself when i was yrs old, i must of gone for some sort of psych analysis as i don't remember any of my childhood, and i read the parts about how lonely i was and how everyone hated me for being dark skinned, the parts where being under the covers of my bed was my favourite place as i called it my safe place. I have always believed there was something wrong with me and have done so much to help try to understand it. I just need help, i need someone to help me i need my life back, i know i am on this earth to make a difference but i cant......every employer has sacked me "we don't care, your not filling the requirements" these are the days i want to just end it.....

I have so much i have done but its always the same temp relief and then the horrid feelings come back

Hi NikNik, Yes i am happy you found this site too. A lot has happened to you. Did you move because of the bad happenings or were moving for different reasons?

It is good reading everyones messages. I remember Arlo Gutherie from the 60's who told about the " last guy".

The last guy who couldn't find a road to lay on for a car to run him over. I am making the comparison to the feeling better because there is always "someone worse off then yourself". Which is, imagine how the last guy must feel or the situation he is in?

That is difficult to think about when you feel what you feel. My new Psychiatrist has put me on a new medication as well as the meds i was taking and most days i am not as low. It is to imlrove me over 6-8 weeks, now it is only 6, but there is room for a larger dose if needed. I am hopeful.

Wether you feel up or down it is good to connect on here. There is always someone to answer. Jackie.