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Something’s not right

What to do

What to do

I am struggling and really don’t know what to do and no one around me knows how to help either. Basically I was managing ok I was still having a hard time but things were ok this last year and I was at least able to be semi functional but this whole pandemic has completely ruined everything I had worked so hard for. It screwed up my whole uni degree and has meant that I am now living back home with my family which is making things complicated I am not sure what to do but I can’t seem to get back to a place where I am coping and all of my professionals supports are not sure what to do either. I was wondering if I can bounce some ideas around with people here. And sorry in advance for the length.

Trigger warning ahead just in case

So I just got out of the hospital today after a super distressing 48 hours where I contacted the crisis team 5 times and was ignored and they even came to my house after the 4th time and left after telling me that I was pretty much wasting their time. About 30 minutes later and I had done something I probably cannot say on here and was then caught trying another thing I cannot say on here and someone who saw me called the police who then called an ambulance and I was taken to hospital. The dr I saw that night said he wanted to admit me to the mental health unit and I was out in an order because “you are too unpredictable” as they said. And was told that they wanted me to have a discussion about a certain medication which I cannot mention as per guidelines. So I was left basically in an interview room for 20 hours because there were no beds on the ward now at this point I saw a second dr who basically said there were no beds and wouldn’t be for possibly a few days and it would mean me staying in the interview room for possibly days now this room was very uncomfortable I didn’t have access to anything to shower with or clean clothes and my iPod was running out of battery as I had had it on the whole time and if it ran out then it would be a disaster as the interview room was very quiet which is super bad for me when I am hearing things a lot. So I had said to the dr that being in that particular space would make things worse. Especially because I had been trying very hard to keep calm and not get super agitated which has been a big problem in the past for me and I didn’t think I could stay calm if I had to stay there much longer. Basically I had to choose between 2 bad options and I chose home but nothing has been resolved or even helped and I am still feeling really on edge and the dr said that they were working again tomorrow and to come back if I wasn’t ok.

I dont know what to do I am still feeling really all over the place and I am still really scared and paranoid about everyone and everything and I am trying to hold myself together but after yesterday or the day before and what I did I don’t know if I can I still don’t even know why I did what I did exactly I just couldn’t stop. But I also am now still very scared of the hospital staff and this whole thing is just making me feel more like people are out to get me and like everything is not really people or what it looks like. And I am supposed to call my psychiatrists office tomorrow and I don’t know what to say the crisis team who ignored me and told me to stop calling is supposed to check in with me but I doubt they will and I don’t really want to speak with them anyway, I just feel like I am out of options. I wondered about private hospitals but there is only one in my area and it isn’t very good and I would consider interstate but it may not be possible considering the situation. But also I am not even sure if it would help I don’t know that anything will all I know is that I am not able to keep myself together right now even though I am trying very hard too.

Um the question so if I well if you were in my situation and hospital where I live was traumatic and made things worse would you consider private even if it was also not good? And how are you supposed to tell someone you are not ok when you are struggling to communicate and when people are not understanding you? I am sorry I don’t really know what I am asking or how to ask what I am wanting very well right now, if anyone even reads all of this thank you and sorry it was so long. Sorry it is so messy .

84 replies

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In response to: What to do

Re: What to do

I feel you stress and anxiety about falling asleep at the hospital, not much help but would have to be my worst fear if I am being honest. Can you tell me what you might have to say to them? I know it's tough hun and there is absolutely no pressure here. When are you due to visit you psychiatrist next?

@Eden1919 , sweetie I wish I was able to help more 💛

In response to: Re: What to do

Re: What to do

@Former-Member I have a phone appointment coming up but nothing in person which is practically useless anyway. I wasn’t able to ring them in time so now there is no chance of that anymore and the crisis team just showed up at my house and did the same thing as the other people and just left saying we will call in a few days but I told them I didn’t know if I would be here in a few days and they just said well what do you want then fml like I am so fed up so I told them not to talk to me again and now I feel even worse and honestly I feel like all of this is a that I just need to get it over and done with. I should have tried harder the other day I shouldn’t still be here now.

In response to: Re: What to do

Re: What to do

Hey @Eden1919,

What I am sensing is that you're having trouble communicating at the moment - which makes sense given your situation. Sometimes just telling those who are helping you that your communication ability is quite impacted, and asking for a bit of patience can be helpful. You're doing great to keep holding on, and continuing to post here as well - we are all here with you

I'm sensing that your situation has you extremely stressed and overwhelmed, maybe moreso than earlier today so I'm going to drop you an email as well. x

In response to: Re: What to do

Re: What to do

My darling you have showed incredible strength to be still holding on, incredible strength in continuing to seek help and reaching out. I am truly sorry that you are really struggling to get the help you so desperately need and deserve. But please keep holding on, keep reaching out and know that we are here to support you as much as we can. @Eden1919

In response to: Re: What to do

Re: What to do

@Jynx @Former-Member I have told them several times that I am struggling to speak and they say they understand but then get mad at me 2 seconds later when I still haven’t managed to speak and say they are busy and have other things to be doing then they get mad and ask “well what do you want then?” In a very like irritated tone and I have told them I don’t know what I want and then they just say they can’t help then because I am not meeting them half way but I genuinely don’t know and I don’t want to make something up knowing it won’t be helpful but what else am I meant to say if I don’t know. Then they asked me if I was using my DBT skills like yes but they aren’t working and they don’t work for the things I am struggling with right now anyway and then they just said well sometimes things don’t work..... like yes I am well aware of that and that is the problem it isn’t working but I didn’t say that because i couldn’t speak and then they just said they were going and ugh I don’t even know what to do I am so stressed and like I don’t know what to do tonight idk everything is a mess.

In response to: Re: What to do

Re: What to do

@Eden1919 , ohh I am so sorry they just seem to be listening to you. Are you safe my friend.

In response to: What to do

Re: What to do

Hi @Eden1919,

Sorry things have been so rough for you of late. I've been keeping tabs on the various govt. inquiries into the mental health system that are going on ATM and. sad to say, your experiance with the system sounds like par for the course.


@Eden1919 wrote:

And how are you supposed to tell someone you are not ok when you are struggling to communicate and when people are not understanding you?


What do I do? Frankly, I've just stopped trying. Not that I'm advocating for that approach, but I've found it to be the least counter-productive approach I can think of. God knows I've tried to get through to the world; I've even dumbed the language down to what I expect a kindergardener could understand so that there couldn't be any miscommunication. But nobody seems to ever understand and all to often, they act like I never said anything to begin with.

Often I think the problem isn't with our communication, but with theirs. If they really are right, and we really are nuts/mentally broken/disordered/confused/ect, then why don't they just simply give us their proof that backs up their position? Why is it all just a wham-bam-thankyoumam exercise in labelling us, disregarding our stances, and hardlining us into towing a differant ideology that they never once bother to back up with facts or logic?

If they really are right, why don't they just simply prove this to us?


@Eden1919 wrote:

I wondered about private hospitals but there is only one in my area and it isn’t very good and I would consider interstate but it may not be possible considering the situation. But also I am not even sure if it would help I don’t know that anything will all I know is that I am not able to keep myself together right now even though I am trying very hard too.

Um the question so if I well if you were in my situation and hospital where I live was traumatic and made things worse would you consider private even if it was also not good?


I may be mistaken, but my understanding is that, ATM, there's really no such thing as a "pviate hospital". My understanding is that the govt. commandeered all the private hospitals in response to coronavirus and made them fair game for anyone who needs treatment until the crisis is over. So until that happens - private, public... it's all the same system (as is my understanding).

In response to: Re: What to do

Re: What to do

Hi @Eden1919

I'm so sorry to hear about what happened in your phone appointment. It sounds like you are receiving mixed messages when you tell them you are struggling to communicate. On one hand they say they understand but on the other hand they have an angry tone asking you "what you want then?" That's an extremely confusing, unsettling and disheartening experience. As @Former-Member asked, and given everything is a mess tonight, are you currently feeling safe?

Try to look after yourself @Eden1919!

Kindest,

Amour_Et_Psyché

In response to: Re: What to do

Re: What to do

@chibam They are doing that in America but not here... I do agree other people are having trouble with the crisis team and services in mental health in general but I guess I personally can’t fix that right now and it doesn’t really help my current situation also I would like to just stop trying but at the moment that means that I end up gone so idk. I know you weren’t saying that is the right thing to do it is just hard because I feel like I don’t have many options right now. But you are very right it is very frustrating and exhausting to have to try and make people understand who don’t seem to want too in the first place.

@Former-Member @Former-Member I am trying to be but idk I tried to tell my mum how I was but there wasn’t a good time and now she is asleep I just don’t know what to do I tried to write a bunch of stuff down on a note but everything is just such a mess and I am losing trust in people very very quickly.

In response to: Re: What to do

Re: What to do

@Eden1919 , with how you have been treated of late it is no wonder you are finding it hard to trust people. Please be safe sweetie. Wishing I could help some more

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