Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

Lost in life

Louise1992Casual Contributor11 July 2016, 12:26 am AEST

Lost in life

Two years old i packed up from my childhood home and moved 6hours away to a small town with about 2000 people mostly elderly.
Im a bubbly and cheerful person, i care so much( to much) about the people i crossed paths with. I put in alot of effort to make others happy which in turn does not help me.
At the moment i am lossing weight i have over 40kgs to go, i believe that even in losing the weight i will still be me and ill just me skinny(hopefully) i have been told i do not share my emotions even though i am a very emotional person when no one is around.
Before i moved i had a very stable job, two close friends that i used to go to clubs with on weekends and get very deunk it quickly become a lifestyle that i did not want to continue. The day i left my home town i was 100% alone no one has ever spoken to me again( Cleary not nice people)
So its been two years i have two jobs both keep me very happy and i enjoy them.very much.
I have one male friend that is very selfish and judgemental, he wants the full girlfriend experience from me but will not admit to any feelings. He hates any mention of a male from me, but he is aloud to talk about females even after i say i dont wanna hear it. I have thoughts about moving back home and i have thoughts about moving somewhere different. But i believe no matter where i go the problem will still exist. Im alone, im sad, im stressed, im anxious, im tired. Im a mess.

6 replies

1 - 6 of 6

In response to: Lost in life

utopiaSenior Contributor11 July 2016, 1:05 am AEST

Re: Lost in life

Hi @Louise1992. Wow. You have had a bit of a rough trot these past few years. It's good you feel able to share some of your story.
It sounds like you are a sensitive soul. Unfortunately there are people in this world that take advantage of others generosity and caring.
Honestly, this 'male friend' does not sound like a true friend. He ignores your requeats not to talk about other women. He isn't respecting your feelings. He isn't respecting you.
I imagine you are quite lonely. Do you go out for dinner with any of your work mates? Maybe you could invite one out. I moved to a small town a few years ago. Volunteering keeps my town pumping along. Although it sounds like you are busy with 2jobs.
Are there sporting or art groups you could join? A book club or music club?
What about talking to a counselor about your feelings. They could help you sort out what is best for you at this time. Best thing, not to rush any decisions.
Hopefully someone else on this forum will have some suggestions for you.
best of luck

In response to: Re: Lost in life

AppleblossomSenior Contributor11 July 2016, 2:35 am AEST

Re: Lost in life

Hello @Louise1992

It sounds as if you got your act together and figured out that clubbing and drinking is best just to be an adolescent stage. I was alone when I was your age.

Some of it was hard but a lot of it was good as I had been in a relationship since I was 16, and he was not very nice, so I had to work through that. Loneliness can be tough but if you enjoy work ... and take up another more social activity you might meet someone better. ... nobody has it all together ... Pat yourself on the back for what you have achieved.

It sounds as if you are hardworking and get a lot from that, more than money that is. You dont sound like a mess to me. Yes we all like to be understood and be with people who can love us, but dont let the fact that others haven't got it together, put you off, or put you down.

@utopiahad good ideas too ... Dont throw your jobs in unless you have definite positions to go to.

Blokes can be real dix ... and I dont mean Dorothy ... but there are good ones out there ..dont settle... take care

Apple

In response to: Lost in life

SaharaSenior Contributor11 July 2016, 6:16 am AEST

Re: Lost in life

Hi Louise,

I am just like you - I am a very emotional person when no-one else is around..... But with other people I clam up to protect myself. I fear other people will judge me harshly for my emotions and so I usually come accross as someone who is extremely calm and self-contained. I don't let people in.

However, I'm not actually as calm as I appear - I'm anxious and prone to depression.

Louise, I think you would benefit from professional counselling in orfer for you to practice telling people how you really feel. It can take a while to really open up, even with a professional counsellor, but for me it has been really worth it.

As for the guy you are involved with - I'm a bit confused as to whether it is a romance or a friendship for you. Does he want a relationship with you but you only want friendship? You must decide what you really want. What you want; not what he wants.

You say that this man won't admit to having any feelings for you.... this may come as a bit of a surprise to you, but it could well be that you are only attracted to him because he doesn't show his feelings!

I used to be exactly the same.... it suited me to have someone in my life who was completely closed down emotionally as it meant that I didn't have to reveal my emotions either. It took me a long time to work that out.

And how could this guy want "the full girlfriend experience" from you but at the same time want to talk about other women all the time? It doesn't make much sense to me. I would say that he is very confused and is making you confused as well! I think some men are just like that - they try and mess with your brain so as they will always have the upper hand with you.

@Louise1992, I don't think you are a mess at all... You have two jobs that you enjoy and you are losing weight, too. These are good things.

I agree with the others who have written advice to you here; I think you should join some social groups and make new friends- both male and female. How about a walking club where you can continue to exercise? You could even start one up ourself. Put up an ad on your local community notice board looking for walkers who are interested.

Please write back and let us know how you are going.

In response to: Lost in life

Louise1992Casual Contributor11 July 2016, 9:36 am AEST

Re: Lost in life

@utopia i feel as the only reason im hanging around this male friend is because i have no one else. At work other staff are much older and would not be suited as friends .
I have thought about joining netball but you have to wear i tiny little skirt and there is no way around that as i am at a stage of lossing weight i do not feel comfortable with that.
I tend to have friends until i stand up for myself and find my voice.

In response to: Lost in life

Louise1992Casual Contributor11 July 2016, 9:40 am AEST

Re: Lost in life

@Appleblossom thank you for your kind words i do try to make sure i work hard but i think in turn ive lost myself along the way and have no friends aside from one bad one put a big cloud over me all the time i have weekends off work im always out and about at market, beaches anything but i obly ever meet traveler which is a start but i need someone around me.

In response to: Lost in life

Louise1992Casual Contributor11 July 2016, 9:50 am AEST

Re: Lost in life

@Sahara i have actually told this male friend that we need to either cut this friendship off or keep it simple. I do have feeling for him and i have told him what i mean by full girlfriend experience is sexual, emotional. Wants me to want to want him. Over the last six month i have taken a massive step back from him as i was always texting hil.and asking to hang out now I have completely left it up to him, and he does ask me around once a week to come over but i get nothing in return he wont drive to my place i dont anything sexual other then sex has gets everything which i have stopped doing other the last few weeks he told me i let people use me. His is the biggest user of all

1 - 6 of 6