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Don't know what to do.

Carmichael_RakeNew Contributor09 July 2016, 9:58 pm AEST

Don't know what to do.

Hello all, feeling very upset and stuck regarding the person that I love. We fell madly in love at the beginning of the year, which is not a very long time to have been with somebody but our bond and love is very real and we regarded eachother as soul mates.

Almost two months ago however they went into what I think is a psychosis, or potentially it could be schizophrenia. They became extremely withdrawn, mute, uninterested in everything and have had a lot of memory loss regarding our relationship and with basic things.Their family has had trouble finding doctors who could help and have only in the last week been able to find a psychiatrist who prescribed medication.

I am finding it very difficult as at the beginning of their illness they said they didn't want to be with me anymore. I accepted what they said with the belief that once they recovered they will not think like that. I tried to reassure myself with the knowledge that they are ill. I reassured them that I love them but respect their wishes. As they live a few hours from me I then went and visited them and their family but because of the nature of their illness we barely spoke to each other as they wanted to be alone. So I spent the few days mostly with their family.

As we live apart I have spent the time trying to offer support and love to their family but otherwise feel helpless. And now, I spoke to them today to just check in and remind them that I am still here and still care and love them. They told me over the phone that they never want to see me again, that I should never call that number again, that they don't even want to be my friend and that this was the last time we would ever speak to each other and that their family don't want anything to do with me either. I keep trying to tell myself it is the sickness talking but it still hurts me deeply.

Again, I tried to stay strong and said that I didn't believe them but accepted what they said and I put down the phone. I have been distraught ever since. I realise that they are ill and they have apparently been a lot more hostile since going on the medication (they don't think they're sick). But I still am finding it very difficult. I love them dearly, despite us only being together for a few months before they got sick I am certain in my heart of the strength of our connection, love and bond

I will continue to wait and be patient but I guess I am hoping to find some support/advice/hope from people who have been through anything similar - either having been the person in the psychosis rejecting those around them or being the partner. I am terrified that they may never recover and worried that if they do recover they will still reject me.

3 replies

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In response to: Don't know what to do.

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor10 July 2016, 7:50 am AEST

Re: Don't know what to do.

Hi @Carmichael_Rake

I really feel for you ... different reason, but my husband has gone through a personality, values and lifestyle change in recent years, with a good serve of emotional abusehappening at different stages, and with now-adult kids in the household it has been really hard on everyone ....

What I would suggest is that you seek counselling support for yourself. You will clearly be suffering some grief, amongst other very mixed and traumatised emotions, so maybe try the Helpliine for SANE - 1800 18 7263 - as a starting point. They will likely be able to help you find someone to speak to, chat to online, or go and see who ca pen help you sort through all the fall-out and help you make your way forward.

Certainly keep chatting here as well .... this is a very caring online community of people, ready to listen even if it is only empathy we can offer, but there may be others who have been through similar experiences who pick up your thread and offer insight about how they have coped.

A lot of the carers have their hands really full, so it can take a little while to get that happening .... once someone has responded to your thread (like me now 😏), then updates keep them informed about activity on the thread.

Take care. Stay in touch ...

🌷

In response to: Don't know what to do.

AttahuaSenior Contributor10 July 2016, 8:07 am AEST

Re: Don't know what to do.

It can be very difficult loving someone living with schizophrenia, I only say this from my perspective as I have been with my partner going on seven years now and he has schizoeffective disorder. In my experience I have noticed that leading up to a psychotic episode he becomes very evasive, distant, self absorbed and obsessive but again I am only speaking from my experience. I recall the first experience I had with his illness six years ago when he had an episode, he called me every name under the sun, he said cruel things and in his unwell mind he believed I was cheating on him. As this was my first experience I was not totally aware of what was happening and believed that he wanted out of the relationship but after he went into hospital (which naturally he blamed me for) and started to recover he had no memory of the things he had said and done and he certainly didn't want the relationship to end , it was just the illness talking. We are still together and I have been through three more of these pyschotic episodes, all following a similar pattern, I personally speaking it is traumatic and heartbreaking and although they do recover and can lead perfectly normal lives you will always be on edge looking for signs of unwellness, I am! I guess what I am trying to say is really have a big think about what you want in a partner as a future with someone with such a serious mental illness does take its toll. I love my partner but there are times when I really do think what am I doing????? When they are unwell you are alone, the one person you want to be there for you and support you through this is not there, when they are sick it becomes all about them , it is traumatic, I am generally a strong person but a person can only take so much. Yes I am still with my partner but it is not easy and when he is well we have made up an action plan, a care plan on how we survive another episode , ie, I don't drive the 14 hour round trip every weekend after work to visit him in hospital no matter how much he begs me too, the first sign of an episode I call an ambulance regardless of how much he will blame me for 'locking him up,' when speaking to him on the phone I will hang up when he becomes abusive, and one essential point is that they WILL remain on their meds even when they think they don't need them anymore.......that is a constant battle but a necessity to maintain a normal, healthy relationship. Do you want children with this person? I have a teen daughter from a previous relationship and she has been exposed to four psychotic episodes since she was ten, it affects children immensely as when your partner is unwell it is very hard to focus on anyone else but him. This may be your reality should you choose to stay with this person. It is quite possible that he is pushing you away at the moment because he is unwell.....in all honesty here is your chance to have a really big think about what you want in your life and if you are willing to support this person both emotionally and financially then by all means continue to be supportive but please know that it is a long hard road......lots of joy and normality and happiness in between.....but a hard road all the same and you may not think it at the time but trust me it does take its toll on you emotionally!! All the best

In response to: Don't know what to do.

Unknown userMember11 July 2016, 12:30 pm AEST

Re: Don't know what to do.

Hi @Carmichael_Rake and welcome to the forums.

Thanks @Attahua & @Faith-and-Hope for your advice and welcome to @Carmichael_Rake

It sounds like you ahve been going through a lot in the last few months with your partner. @Faith-and-Hope gave you some advice about how important it is to look after yourself, have yoy thought about contacting a carers group in your local area?

This might be a really good and useful idea to be able to talk to others who care for someone with a MI, and to get some practical tips on how to look after yourself.

Outlanderali

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