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BlueBaySenior Contributor
I thought that since a few of us have started a conversation about our mum's and mother in law - I would start a completely new post.
My mum - when I told her of my memories of being abused as a child she replied to me
"how dare you wait 30 years to tell me" !!!!!!
In response to: Things our mothers & MIL's say and do
BlueBaySenior Contributor
@Faith-and-Hope
I changed the topic to add MIL too!!!! 🙂
In response to: Things our mothers & MIL's say and do
Unknown userMember
In response to: Things our mothers & MIL's say and do
Unknown userMember
In response to: Re: Things our mothers & MIL's say and do
hope77Senior Contributor
my mother was very ill with mental illness when I had my children even thou she was the best mum in the world I felt I could not go to her with all my problems. So went to step MLI she basically said I need a kick up the bum. because I had postnatal depression with a psychosis. the next fifteen years she taught my children to question everything I said and did for them because she said mummy's not right in the head. lost my first two because of that. lucky of was awake to this and still got a great relationship with my youngest adult child he understands me. one day I hope my two most older children come back to me
In response to: Things our mothers & MIL's say and do
Unknown userMember
In response to: Re: Things our mothers & MIL's say and do
AppleblossomSenior Contributor
Hello @hope77
I had a similar situation with my daughter. It is difficult. It was my biological mother who kept blocking my access to her. With presents overseas and paying job teaching her piano students and pretending that we had never been in orphanages. That is my mother did have a mental illness too, seriously for 15 years, then improved personally but had not dealt with family consequences and denied issues and manipulated people. The saddest thing is that in my ward files I kept praising her to everybody and apprently upset my foster mothers cos I was so strong in family loyalty.
My son was not of interest to her as she had 2 older grandsons through my brother that she could dote on and almost pretend my brother did not die. She did not even come to see my son in hospital as she had 2 interstate holidays booked.
My one and only phone interaction with my MIL was good but was a few days before she died, then there was series of step MIL ... not quite the same thing ... I was hospitable when FIL wanted to stay at our house from overseas and put her up a few times.
It was odd the biological MIL had MI issues too and everybody blamed her for being a drunk and she got cancer. The sister-in-law admitted that i would probably have gotten on well with her as the her mother came from a poor family and was put down by her richer in-laws ... which is kind of what happened to me.
@BlueBay My mother was very strange, would ignore any time I tried to tell her about various cases of abuse when In my 20s and then later became weirldy protective of the priests after father died, but the thing that was really really wrong was that she became smarmy and supercilious and mocked me for running an orphanage etc in the last 20 years, when I would have lots of cousins around the kitchen table to give my kids extended family experiences.
I dont know what will happen with your mother ... but my mother somehow made me the enemy in the end ... I never expected it would turn out that way.
In response to: Re: Things our mothers & MIL's say and do
hope77Senior Contributor
sorry @Appleblossom things can get really mess up when the people we are supposed to love us, a horrible and don't love us and accept our children, i used to walk around doing my shopping sometimes when my children were little and see the other mothers with their mothers and just cry silently to myself and ask what did i do why can't people (my family) love me. I am a nice person, not a confident person but a nice one still am. I suppose I eventually grieved the loss of my mother. and I hope my MIL goes to hell because I loved my children with all my heart haven't given up yet, but it's been five years since I've seen them so I will probably grieve them as well. life's a shit
In response to: Re: Things our mothers & MIL's say and do
DecadianSenior Contributor
I read everyone's comment and added the "I heard you like tick"
@hope77@BlueBay@Appleblossom@Former-Member
I hope I didn't miss anyone
No need to comment yet - this is a time of sharing - I am sure I was less than a perfect parent - but then - I did parent classes and that probably made mistakes different -
Okay - I was having trouble getting pregnant and staying pregnant so we adopted - but when I got pregnant with my second child it was touch and go and my mother really wanted this child - so I moved in with them for a few weeks with my first child
I was about 8 months when I woke up hearing my mother crying at my father saying
"I can't stand it any longer - watching her sitting around getting fatter every day"
Oh yeah - then she told me I had to go home - but those words cut me to this day
I was home for one day - and I haemoraged - and went into labour - I rang my mother and said
"I'm going to the hospital now - the baby is coming"
I wonder if she ever felt guilty about what she said - and that the baby was prem. And she loved that grandchild - it was her favourite
Forgive her - that's the easy part - forget - now I don't have to forget
Forgiving and forgetting don't belong in the same sentence - except this one
Decadian
In response to: Things our mothers & MIL's say and do
Unknown userMember
In response to: Re: Things our mothers & MIL's say and do
DecadianSenior Contributor
Yes @Former-Member
It also says - in Ephesians
Chapter 6 I think
"Parents - do not provoke your children lest you discourage them"
I felt thoroughly provoked and once wrote a letter telling them this
Decadian
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Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.
SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.
SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.
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