Hi @FayeJH I know it's months since you've posted but i've just found this and would like to reply.
Firstly, as a suffer of MI (really hate labels) I'd like to thank you for bothering with your friend. For years I was so lonely (not realising my depression pushed everyone away), for years - if I had a listening ear I would just pour my heart out, all over the place, because it was just under the surface I guess and builds up, and then after theyd leave, I'd beat myself up for days for talking too much and agonising if or when this person would also leave me, and then I'd beat myself up again... Its like a reflex, I couldn't stop it, or control it...
Years later, looking back, I'm thinking what I needed (and since learned to do wasmyself) is to be given opportunities to build different neural pathways, I think, break that very ingrained looping over and over. With seemingly nothing else going on in my world. I needed help to find new things to feel, to do, to talk about... positive things.
Instead of always SITTING AND TALKING, put more emphasis on DOING, And something different ./ new. WALK&TALK, to aplay takena game, share a project, a movie or a cafe or a lookout or walk through a Nursery... Not in a pushy way, just
gentle
flexible
ceative
planning
, and maybe a limit on time.
I have two brothers with psychosis, paranoia, drug abuse and chronic financial distress. Every conqctbi have with them exhausts me. I have to block them sometimes for a few weeks, limit conversations but mostly I learned to help them focus on what they have been DOING (as apposed to feeling) and present moment realities (instead of 'what ifs' gossip, aches and pains etc)
Of cause changing the subject can come across rude so it has to come from the heart. The other day my friend here started crying (reliving) a hurtful family conflict from 18months ago. Its the same thing over and over. I gently suggested to her "is it something I said to trigger you're going back there like this?because I don't think it's good for you to be rehashing all that upset and emotion on top of all that's needing your energy lately" (she's changing jobs). Fortunately she agreed, and she calmed down. I don't think she realised what she was doing to herself (or me) att, untill I said it.
Don't get me wrong, this woman put up with my crying for years after a major loss, she's the only one who kept visiting religiously every Friday. Everyone else drifted away 😢 left me for dead (expecting I'd take my own life eventually I guess, after 2 parasuicide hospital admissions).
No, I do do understand and it does sometimes cutt both ways in friendship, eventually.
Some personality profiles lack empathy, and as your experiencing, *compassion fatigue comes when your emotionally burned out.
So, firstly, self care, do things that recharge your sense of self so you have something to give without resenting it. Maybe space out the visits, tell her you're struggling a little with everything going. on and just don't have the energy to travel... Its hard finding something mutually beneficial but I really commend you for not giving up completely. Its ok to put things on hold for a while. XOX
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