idk what's wrong with me...

i've been having crazy mood swings, i can be content one minute and then feel like crying the next. i can't really pinpoint a time when it started (definitely way before the pandemic though), i've tried to speak about this to a psychologist recently but was only able to have one session with her before quarantining.

her appointments were only available once a month in the first place. she offered skype calls but i feel sort of uneasy about doing that when there's so many people in the house that can hear what i'm saying so i turned her down.

i have a history with depression, i take anti depressants but i don't think i actually ever had depression and this was something that the doctor decided on a whim. when i was not on the pills i was happy and just a bit anxious about vomitting (emetophobia). the anxiety was the reason for the pills but they kept being referred to as anti-depressants so it's just a label that has stuck. am i in denial? idk it just seems like such a horrible issue that i don't think i have.

being in isolation is definitely ramping up my mood swings, not being able to go for a walk in the park or something is a real struggle, i love being outside so much. but i just have to keep reminding myself that staying home is saving people's lives.

i just wish the mood swings would stop. they're driving me crazy and i feel like i'm not treating my partner with the respect he deserves. i feel awful and like a cold human being.